Help, I just found out that I'm brilliant. I mean, that I'm brutally, incapacitatingly intelligent beyond the descriptive power of all known adjectives.
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Honestly, I had no idea. I was completely fooled by how I had consistently registered Republican. How I applauded at the end of movies as if they were live performances or something. How I rented that Chevy Suburban just so I could get my bike over to Critical Mass. How seeing that "Question Assumptions" bumper sticker actually caused me to shed my prejudices and view the world in a new, critical light. How I typed exclusively in capital letters to make sure people would pay extra, extra attention to my postings. How I would marvel at the sheer ingenuity of "Spare change for beer?" signs and then actually give spare change for beer. How I would pay perfectly good money for clothing featuring prominent brand labels. How I found myself vocalizing things like:
“It’s all good!”
"Where the party at?!”
“LA isn’t so bad!”
“Everything happens for a reason!”
“I’m a big fan of ’J-Lo’!”
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
When you find yourself demonstrating this sort of behavior on a regular basis, you just kind of assume that you are, well, a couple protesters short of a rally. A couple executives short of a scandal. A couple women short of an FFM threesome.
But apparently my mind was just playing dumb all along, trying to keep my ego from swelling like a brain tumor, a cancer that isn't so much deadly as it is clinically obnoxious, like a modern artist.
I'm wondering if there's any kind of support group for people with excessive mental abilities, somewhere where we can cluck at the masses, bicker profusely over academic minutiae, say words like "minutiae" without giggling, run Linux, pledge money for public radio and swap back issues of the Economist.
Thank you and good day.