I’m looking for those special people, or I guess those not so special people that are willing to hang out with me in public and make me look good in comparison to yourself. This shouldn’t be too hard since I meet a lot of people that make me look like a rock star in comparison but those friendships never seem to last. I wasn’t giving it my all. Obviously I have to be better looking, more entertaining and outgoing than you but please no mongoloids because you will scare other people away. I don’t need to hang out with the short bus posse. I will do my best to make you feel better about yourself but it won’t really have any impact because, after all, nobody would want to hang out with you when they could hang out with me. You should be that kind of person that everybody says "What's up with your friend?" behind your back. I'll do my best to explain exactly what is up with you because I care just that much about you.
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Also please no super extroverted life of the party people. I already have plenty of friends like that and it isn’t helping me achieve my goals.
I know you are out there because I see you all the time doing your part to make your current friends look better by comparison but maybe you are tired of making the same old people look good and would like to expand your group of friends that are wittier, have a better personality, and have had a more exciting life than you.
Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you, possibly the only person that ever looks forward to hearing from you.
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stand next to me and look brain dead