I've been a craigslist enthusiast for a couple of years now. And I have got to say that the Free Section gets some of the lamest postings I've ever seen. Here are just a few:
"Free 8 foot long couch and matching recliner, both brown in color, plush leather look. Worn, but still too nice to toss" (excuse me? Did you say "leather look"? Why not call it PLASTIC? And it's only redeeming quality is that it's "worn, but still too nice to toss"? Yeah--gimme a leather look sofa that's worn, but too nice to toss. While you're at it give me it's MATCHING CHAIR!)
"Remove tree, take all the wood free. Large tree trunk, leftover from a very tall tree. Tree trunk is approximately 5 feet in diameter, about 2 feet tall. Excellent firewood. You are welcome to all of it if you can uproot the tree trunk and remove all the wood. " (These kind of posts are my favorite. There's always some cheap SOB who wants you to come to their house and work your ass off tearing out a tree, cleaning out the garage, or some other back-breaking job, in EXCHANGE for JUNK! Do you know how much work there is in removing a tree trunk? And you have to be careful--you can hurt yourself or damage the tightwad's property. And don't think that he'll be satisfied. He'll stand over top of you telling you how to cut the tree--"Watch out for the septic tank... Be careful of my petunias... You're gonna clean up after yourself aren't you..." Listen you cheap asses, when it comes to cleaning out a garage or pulling down a tree--HIRE somebody! Don't try to lure some moron in with promises of free firewood)
"Worn out old sofa with a lot of character This couch has served us well for several years, but it's pretty trashed. You can feel the springs in the cushions. Two out of three people say it's uncomfortable. It doesn't smell bad, but it's stained and torn up . It still looks good in a way, though - and it's FREE. It's heavy, you need 2 strong people and a truck" (Yeah, it's got character---unfortunately, the only 'character' is the sneaky asshole who's gonna try to get you to haul off his ugly-ass, stained, torn-up, pretty trashed sofa)
"Bag of clothes... Hi, this is a large bag of all sorts of sizes, most of the clothes are of mediocre quality. Most DO NOT have stains or tears, but some do.Still interested, do you want to just donate it to Goodwill for a tax write-off?oh, p.s., if you want to throw a dollar in my direction, I'll try catching it" (Who do these people think they're talking to? Three year olds? Are you kidding? A large bag of "MEDIOCRE, STAINED, TORN CLOTHES"?!? And oh my God--A tax write off??? I can see it now-you're at H&R Block next April and you very smuggly pull out a receipt from Goodwill giving you a fifty cent "tax write-off". Yeah, you're up in the big leagues now--Donald Trump, Bill Gates, and you, with your Goodwill Tax Write Off... And all you had to do was to haul somebody's nasty clothes to Goodwill. How Ingenious. I'm sure this shrewd business move was worth the dollar you had to "throw" in their direction. Gimme a break!)
"2 vanilla Ensure and 2 Lipton cup a soups " (Again... Are you kidding?!? This is a posting in San Francisco. Can you imagine somebody down in Fremont seeing this ad and saying, "Oh God! Two vanilla Ensure and 2 Lipton cup-a-soups!! Well, I'll just hop in my car, drive 100 miles round trip, pay for gas and bridge toll, so I can get two vanilla Ensure and two Lipton Cup-a-Soups!" Hey---while you're at it, stop by the other guy's place and pay him a dollar for a bag of nasty clothes)
PLEASE COME GET MY BED. I have a bad back and cant move it or even help you so you must bring someone to help. I will be here all afternoon, but i really have to get this out because i have other stuff to do, including setting up the new bed. i could have had the movers take the old bed, but they would have just dumped it and i hate to contribute to land fills. the old bed is sitting here, in my way. if you come and get this damn thing out of my house TODAY, preferably before 6pm you will be my hero. Seriously, this is a kick ass deal. Just come get this out of my house! here is the deal with the bed. old. uncomfortable. dips in the center of the mattress (not visibly, but if you are laying on one side you can feel it, lay in the center and you cant.) we flip in a lot so that it feels a little better. i hate this bed. but, there are no stains and there has never ever been anything gross on this mattress. no one peed, or pooped, or threw up, or anything like that. we are not dirty people, so you dont need to worry about anything like that. we just dont want to haul this out of the house as a car accident has made out backs as weak as a kitty. so basically, hurry up and call me. it is totally not crap, but i know how uncomfortable it is. AS IS. I take no responsibility for ANY problems that may arise. THIS IS A FREE MATTRESS AND BOX SPRING, that is all. May be good for someone who doesnt have a bed right now, college student, whatever. 408-555-9211 call now! its 345pm and i really want this out a.s.a.p. THANKS (OK, let me see if I have it straight--I get a free, no strings attached, uncomfortable,'dips in the center' mattress and box springs that hasn't been peed on, pooped on, or thrown up on (can I also assume that you've never had sex on it or nobody died on it)---I'll be right on down. And you're right--What a "kick-ass deal") Oy Vey!
Really, we need to come up with a "best of" just for the free section.