I decide, after three long single years, it's time for a boyfriend. Since my tv is never on and I get all my entertainment, pay my bills, shop and get music on the internet, why not find a boyfriend there too?
That was my first mistake.
So I go onto Craigslist. It's the shit, man, it has everything. You can sell, buy, look for a job, find an apartment, even hook up for an evening (not that I've ever done that...ahem). All free. There is a personals section and so I post an ad. Being female I get several replies. I'm thinking, thank you Craig!
I decided to do this scientifically. Most interesting, nice, emotionally available, attractive and funny were my main criteria. I get an ad from a guy roughly my age who has a hot bike, and some pics showing he's fairly attractive. We email back and forth a bit, he says he's definitely looking for the same thing, and finally we agree to meet at a coffee shop.
Which wasn't my second mistake.
Agreeing to meet him was.
The only thing I recognized was the bike. He resembled his pics the way Stuart Little resembles Mickey Mouse. His teeth were black, absolutely disgusting, and he had a cyst beside his left eye. He had to be 10 - 15 years older than me, or had very recently been rode extremely hard and put away extremely wet. Not only that, but I got the distinct impression that he personally knew where a few bodies were buried.
I couldn't help it. I gaped. Then I couldn't look at him at all. I flipped the pages of the magazine I had brought in case of a no show and glanced at him periodically, wondering how the fuck was I going to extricate myself from this. He asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I mumbled something about eating before I got there. He asked if I would like to walk around. God forbid I should see anyone I knew, so I said no, thanks, I'm pretty comfortable here. So he says he's going to get a coffee.
And goes inside.
That was HIS first mistake.
Leaving my coffee and magazine, barely taking time to snatch up my purse, I put my cel phone to my ear like I had just received an emergency call and literally hauled ass down the street to my car before he came back out.