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10101 Infinite Loop
Cupertino, CA 94444
To sound sophisticated while leveraging my ability to create language solutions in order to drill-down on an employment opportunity in today's digital age.
1999-2000 Founder and CEO Jargon.com
Jargon.com leveraged the expertise of Generation D in order to create synergy in the production of company letterhead and logos for our clients. Unfortunately challenging economic conditions forced the redundancy of our corporation.
1997-1999 Vice President in charge of Lexicographical Complication Pets.com
My achievements at Pets.com included expanding the system of TPS reports in order to create synergy among those leveraging our core-competencies of Java and the Web in order to create a sockpuppetocracy.
1995-1997 Tax Code Writer Internal Revenue Service
I made use of my lexicographical skill-set by being in charge of renumbering and rearranging the lines on all tax forms every year so as to drill-down on the taxpayer and ensure my continued employment.
1991 BA UC Berkeley Touchy Feely Studies with a minor in Rhetoric
1994 MBA Stanford University (Researched more effective ways to write job applicant rejection letters)
References available upon request.