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When I first met you, I loved you! You were so cute and fashionable! And the worst part is that you still are! But what I didn't know about was your evil tendency to reach into the depths of my mind to discover what it is I am currently in need of and to pull said object into your inner bowels! When I have been driving for hours and desperately need to pee, you will suck my keys down into the darkness. I will rummage around, hopping up and down, trying not to piss myself, and will never be able to find the key to my front door! I will shake you, and will hear the familiar jingle, but I will not, for the life of me or my bladder, be able to find the damned keychain without fully emptying your contents.
When my phone rings, I will be able to hear the tones from deep within your belly, but you refuse to give me the phone!
I reach in and think I have grabbed a lighter, when you have forced another tube of lipgloss into my open hand.
I reach in for lipgloss and only find pennies.
What did I do to deserve this?
I take you everywhere I go, unless I am only bringing my wallet. Are jealous of my back pocket? I don't love my back pocket as much as you, purse!
But today was the worst! You were so mad about the apparent affair my wallet has been having with my back pocket, you decided to fall off of the table while open. Everything I could never find before was thrown carelessly across my floor. It took everything I had to lovingly embrace my lost posessions before giving them up to your hungry, empty darkness. And now I can't find my hair clip. I need it, purse!
DAMN YOU!! Damn you and your cute fashionable ways! I'm going back to my back pocket unless you give me back my things!