Ever have one of those days that just reeks of Monday... ya know, the type of day that starts off with you not being able to even open your eyes at all?
I woke up, and daylight savings time be damned, I don't care that the clock read 6:20, it still felt like 5:00 in the morning. I could not wake up and get my eyes open or my body to function. Thank god for the snooze button, my saving grace for the next 9 minutes.
Next thing I know, my sleeping prayers have been answered. I made up for my lost hour of sleep. 9 minutes turned into an hour and 10, and I am now late for work. So late, that I should have been there already. My eyes see it, my brain, still swimming through the onslaught of dreams and false realities, tries to acknowledge it. I decide I don't care, despite the desperate screaming of my inner self, trying to let me know that panic is just an eye blink away. My eyes close and I drift off again to the peaceful music on my clock-radio (whoever thought that listening to light classical in the morning would wake someone out of bed? Made me want to keep sleeping...)
Thank god for my cat, her jumping from the floor, landing on what I quickly realized was the exact location of my very full bladder, caused me to jump up in bed with a not so silent groan, checking to see If I had already sprung a leak. I felt like I had drank 15 gallons of water, and it only now decided to announce it was time to leave me, giving me my much needed motivation to get out of the warm, comfy bed. Where were you an hour and 10 minutes ago...
I get up, relieve myself with the wild ambition of a fire hose in a wilderness fire, and make my way to the very cold garage to get the clothes out of the dryer from the laundry I did the day before. Nothing like fresh clothes on Monday morning. I decided to turn the dryer on for a few moments before I took them out so they would be not only clean and fresh, but warm and snuggly (yes, I am a man who feels comfortable using words like warm and snuggly). I walk into the garage and find my dryer had somehow, magically.. . if not purposely, managed to fling open its door while it was drying my clothes during the night. My clothes, still very wet and damp, some of them on the floor in front of the dryer, meant I had no clean clothes, nothing warm and snuggly, and my clean, wet clothes were now on a dirty garage floor...
This day has barely started, and it gets better and better every moment.
The chirping of my two-way Nextel Radio signals me that someone from my work is already looking for me. It's one of my employees, informing me that the boss is looking for me, and that I am to be in a meeting at 8:00 AM - I look at the clock, I now have 11 minutes to get dressed, look presentable, drive 12 miles to work in rush-hour traffic, have all my plans and notes together for the meeting, and show up on time. It was an almost peaceful nano-second before utter panic set in.
"Yup, on my way - tell everyone I am stuck in traffic... an accident perhaps..." was all I could think of as I ran hysterically into the bedroom, tripping over my cat, who has been desperately trying to tell me how hungry she is. It's been 7 hours since she last ate, and that dry food that is left out 24 hours a day just wasn't palatable for enough for her ... she would die of starvation any second, apparently. And causing me to take a nose dive into the wall of my hallway was the nicest way she could ask me, I am assuming.
I run to the bedroom, holding my face, and realizing there was still a body sleeping in my bed. I had to think for a moment to make sure it wasn't me. It wasn't me, but it still meant that yet another person was late, too. I felt better now, knowing I was not the only one.
"Honey, get up. We're late!!!" I yell, turning on the lights, looking for the pants I wore the day before.
HHMmmm.. BBQ sauce on the knee, grass stains on the ankle. Yup, I definitely wore these yesterday.
I am forced to wear my blue jeans, also dirty, but the only pants that are not actual sweats or stained. Everything else is in the washer and/or dryer. I could hear the dryer laughing at me from the garage, it was a sinister laugh that was undoubtedly, aimed at me. I would kick it if I had time. I have to remember to do that when I get home.... Mental note.... beat up inanimate object....
"Why did you let me sleep so late"? Came a groggy voice from under the covers. I knew it couldn't be my cat, she was waiting around the corner, preparing to trip me again, hoping I would land in the kitchen nect to her bowl and a can opener. Dirty clothes were mostly in the washer and dryer, so I knew they weren't talking to me again (don't ask!).
"Honey, we both slept in - get up, now!" I said, throwing on my clothes.
Pants, shirt, socks, shoe... wait. Shoe... not shoe's . Where was the other one. I know I had 2 feet yesterday, and both had shoes on them. And since I am not in the habit of walking around with only one shoe on, the other had to be nearby. I looked under the bed, I looked under the hamper, and I looked in the hamper. I looked under the blanket that was just thrown on top of me as the other moaning and groaning body made its way, like a zombie, from the bed to the bathroom. As the zombie made its way down the hall, the same familiar sound of someone being tripped by a cat came, followed quickly by the same, familiar cussing. Ya gotta give the kitty credit, she knows how to get her point across...
I wandered into the living room, with my one shoe, and found the other hiding under the coffee table. All I can figure is that my shoes had another argument during the night, and they decided they needed some time apart. Too bad for them now. I was late, and they were coming with me, kicking and screaming if necessary.
I give a quick kiss to my zombie, who is now starting to resemble an actual human, save the hair that seemed to have a life of its own, and found that this kiss could have killed lesser men than me. I had to grab my face for fear that my skin was melting off from the noxious fumes that came forth. Zombie Morning Breath... I was now infected and expected... hoped... to die soon. I didn't, which meant I had to run out the door, but not before a final, near fatal; MEOW - TRIP - OUCH! Damn CAT!!!!
"Honey, before you leave, feed the cats... please!" I shrieked as I made my way out the door.
I get to work, just in time to be 40 minutes late for the meeting that never took place.
"Oh, the VP you were to meet with was late, that day light savings time always gets him. It will be rescheduled for tomorrow." I am told. I groan and go to my desk.