I have two freeloaders available for relocation.
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They are disguised as two 'plus-size' mice (hey, it's a thyroid problem...) and come with their own multi-coloured plastic and wire pleasure-dome.
This mouse-fantasy-land comes complete with tubes, little platforms (useful for those 'end of the world' speeches mice sometimes like to give), and a big yellow wheel that not only spells FUN FUN FUN but NOISE NOISE NOISE during the late evening's witching hours. (What better time to fight the Battle of the Bulge?)
Not only will I supply you with some highly nutritious mousie vittles, treats and wood chewies, but I also GUARANTEE that these mice will produce a high quality scentorific odor display on a DAILY basis for your breathing pleasure.
Actually, if you do their bidding and clean house for the little darlings twice a week (it's easy my Herculean friends), "le stink" is practically non-existent.
Ah, and I also promise an endless supply of precious little mouse poops.
It's all very exciting, I know. But before you email, begging me to allow you to share your home with my two Jobless Cohens* here...Let me first lay down the rules:
No snake keepers. No toothy lizard keepers. No fat tarantula keepers. No ferret keepers. No kitty cat keepers. No eight year olds who think they are gonna sneak this past mom and dad (shouldn't you be trying to browse the web for porn and new cuss words anyway?). No raw meat eaters. No contortionists (I don't know, you guys just creep me out ok? No offense). No "Lenny" types - you know who you are. Now forget it.
Look, it's not that I don't love the little sweethearts, I do.
But I can't take one more night of their drunken renditions of popular show tunes. (Hey, some people like that sort of thing. I know that. And if so, these girls are for you!)
Oh yeah, one is black and shiny like a little oil blob, the other is a natural brown (easily mistaken for the wild, ferocious, feral type tiny mouse...so on that note, no large heavy shoe wearers or slap-happy broom-weilding housewives)
I want them to get a nice home. Not swatted or stomped on.
They are super friendly, you can hold them for as long as you like. They're usually so scared they won't move much. Let 'em nest in your beard. Take them to the park. Make friends, amaze lovers. Who doesn't looove pet mice?
$15 adoption fee includes all the amenities mentioned above (this is also to discourage people looking for a free lunch. Folks, feeder mice are cheap at the pet stores, so save yourself the trouble and get Fluffy's next meal THERE.)
(hey! wanna see the little buggers? click here!)
*Jobless Cohen: job·less co·en (jbls-ko-en)
1. Slang term for person having no job.
Of or relating to those who have no jobs.
2. Of or relating to Brooklyn, New York's Stephen Cohen
Jobless Cohens (pl. noun)
Unemployed people considered as a group.
"Look at that bunch of Jobless Cohens. Ever since the company went under, they do nothing but sit around all day and gripe."
Other ways to contact poster:
yelling in the streets won't cut it. sending me secret messages in gum wrappers will take too long, so just email me already.