You: A single beefy man to stalk and observe from a distance. Must promise to release accurate address and contact info and to pretend you don't see me if you ever spot me in the bushes. Pajama or non-pyjama wearer acceptable. Must leave blinds open at night. Will be observed with infrared binoculars, periscope and small digital recording devices. Please be tolerant of Tourette's syndrome. Must be open to phone tapping and latenight heavy breathing and occasional expletives.
Me: A quiet, willowy woman who wears ski mask and carries a baseball bat.