It's like High Fidelity, but not entertaining... - w4m
QR Code Link to This Post
I hate dating. It's like fumbling around in a dark, unfamiliar room. I'm expecting to bark my shins on a sharp corner at any minute, walk into a door, trip over furniture, an exercise in hazardous emotional pitfalls (pratfalls?). And even if I navigate all the way across to the other side, there's no telling that I won't fall down a hidden flight of stairs.
Why am I telling you this? Because we both know that I can't be this honest with you face to face. It would be too threatening. But it doesn't mean that I need some kind of Definition of Where We Are Going or whatever hackneyed female predator stereotype your traumatized male sensibility can come up with. It just means that this is hard for me too. Yes, I also am insecure that you aren't attracted to me, or you think that my opinions are uninformed or my (insert intrinsic personality trait) reminds you of THAT other girl, you know, that one that burned you like no other. So don't play the Games. Yes, you know the ones. The ones you are doing right now. You say you're gonna call, then, for the love of god, call when you say you will. Or shortly thereafter. Not weeks later. Otherwise there is no obligatory "Hey, I'll call you soon so we can go out to the movies" clause - this is unnecessary. Really. I would rather have a nice handshake and a "see ya" than very passionate kisses and empty promises that make me feel sad and somehow broken.
So, how does this work? How does one go from that goofy and confusing "hey I think you're cute and interesting and fun, do you think that about me, too?" to something real? What is the compromise between understanding that perfect people don't exist, giving up the laundry list, accepting people at face value and being content with that AND not just giving up and becoming a spinster librarian with 30 cats AND being true to oneself AND negotiating the 30-something male crisis ("I-love-my-freedom-but-like-sex-so-maybe-I-want-date-regularly-and-hey-wait-I'm-getting-old-and-have-no-girlfriend-no-kids-all-my-younger-siblings-are-married-and-partying-all-the-time-really-isn't-very-fulfilling-and-oh-shit-I'm-going-to-die-all-alone-but-I-have-commitment-issues-and-having-feelings-for-you-is-scary") AND for fuck's sake, how hard is it to pick up the phone and call when you say you're going to because we all know that it's a no-win situation for me - if I call you more than once, I'm controlling and pushy so I have to wait going on WEEK 2 - doll, this is agony I don't need. You are soooo very into me when we are together - I don't get it. Am I stupid? Seems like a lot of effort just to get laid dude, and here's a pointer - the longer you keep me on hold, the less likely I am to do it. I like you. What's so wrong about that? I thought you liked me too. Why, WHY is this so hard? WTF???
So, how do people do this? I must confess that I really believed that I would have a deeper, more sophisticated understanding of human nature as I got older. A more astute psychological understanding, more syncopated visceral reactions, sharper instincts, thicker skin. That I could spot a nice guy from a bad guy and have some kind of reasonable definition of what those ideas actually MEAN. That they mean something? That not everyone in my romantic life is some nebulous, amorphous being, all my love-life amoebas.
Nope. Boys made more sense when they were kicking me in the shins and running away as fast as their little legs could carry them.
Actually, I guess that metaphorically they still are doing just that -- a little emotional drive-by, spray me with equal parts joy, lust, fear and hypocritical judgment and keep on trucking.