Originally Posted: 2006-07-25 12:51 (no longer live)

To whoever found my makeshift sanitary pad, deepest apologies.

I still don’t know who you are—maybe a coworker or one of the cleaning people or one of my customers at the high-end retail store I work at. But whatever… I’m sorry.

I was aghast when I found out what happened. At the end of my shift, I pulled down my pants in the bathroom and realized that the piece of toilet paper I’d wedged between my thong and my crotch had fallen out and didn’t get caught in a pantleg or a sock along the way. I.e., it fell out onto the salesfloor somewhere.

It’s not as if I didn’t have a tampon. Or a pad, for that matter. It was a bad set of circumstances, to be sure. First of all, I hadn’t gone home the night before. So I didn’t get to change my panties. I was stuck with a thong. Which wouldn’t have been a problem, but because of my menstrual cramp-induced constipation, I indulged in a little laxative ingestion the night before work—the night I didn’t go home. Well… this was my first time taking a laxative. I didn’t know I’d be a walking colon waterfall!

As every woman knows, it’s no fun to poo when you have a tampon string hangin’ out your cooch… so I didn’t use a tampon. I was wearing a thong, so I couldn’t use a pad. You see my problem.

I tried to keep that toilet paper stuck there, I really did. I thought for sure that my pants were tight enough to prevent any major movement. At worst, I thought, the TP’d slip and get roadblocked by my socks.

My only hope now is that, because my period wasn’t heavy, you found a flattened wad of clean toilet paper rubbed a little thin by the friction of some pubes. Maybe you found a pube. But if you found a bloodied napkin smooshed into the curvature of a woman’s genitalia, I just really hope you blamed it on one of the crackheads who come into the store and not one of the staff…

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