Alternative to Arnie for Guvernator: Harvey the Spotinator!
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For those of you unfamiliar with Harvey, he’s an English Pointer mix. He is approx 110 lbs, white with brown spots, a rye bite and yellow eyes. He is silly and handsome, affectionate and loving. He is a bit sly, playful, a lovable lug and an all-around good sporting dog!
Despite his laid back demeanor, Havey harbors some quiet ambitions. Included are: collecting more Kongs, eating more raw bones, increased travel/walks, and napping more hours. With the cold weather approaching, one of his secret ambitions is politics. Yes, indeed, Harvey wishes to be Governor. He asks and answers some very serious questions:
1. Are you unsure how to spell Bustamante or Schwarzenneger?
A: Harvey is MUCH easier to spell! Plus, I answer to "Lovies," "Dork," "Largiesaur," and "Spotty."
2. Worried that Arnie's cojones are unnaturally small and shriveled due to abuse of steroids?
A: I don't have any testicles! They were surgically removed, which is a sign of responsible owenrship, but that doesn't interfere w/my ability to be a REAL dog! Ha!
3. Turned off by Davs's tepid personality?
A: I make deep noises that sound like Darth Vader, have yellow eyes & resemble Lionardo Di Caprio. I'm personable! I'm cute! I'm handsome! I am very, very large! I have a lot of personality, and I like to step on not just toes, but feet! I will give all of you a lot of attnetion, because since I'm a lot of dog, I have a lot to give!
4. Unsure about Arnie's background of cavorting w/Kurt Waldheim, admiring Hitler, marrying a woman whose chin comes to a dangerous point and the recent disclosure of groping women?
A: I am much more solid, temperament-wise, than the other candidates, esp. Arnie. EX: I walk better on leash than I used to, I play with dogs of varying sizes and I only rouse myself to bark for something really worth it, like a burglar. I NEVER try to hump others, and I prefer females with softer jaws, or nicely squared ones, a la a pit bull, rottweiler, lab or if it must be pointy, a chihuahua’s.
5. What I believe in:
A. Food, naps, long walks, chasing bunnies, wrestling, chewing bones and Kongs. It's a dog's version of wine, women and song. But I AM a working dog, so if elected, I will work for you! I will literally point at what I see if wrong with out system, and doggedly work to change it for the betterment of all Californians.
6. My solution to the Calif. budget deficit and economic crisis:
-Naps: Increasing naps and making them mandatory for everyone will save money, increase our well-being and help us cozy up to each other. See, if we want to keep heating costs lowered in the colder months, cozy up together for naps! I agree with those in hotter countries who have siestas. If, for 2 hrs. midday, people stop what they're doing to rest, cuddle, ponder and dream, this state will lower its pollution rate, decrease violence, decrease government spending and decrease energy costs. Of course, we might have a population explosion, but that is another subject altogether!
-More dog parks and related recreation areas: If the state contracts the unemployed to plan and build more dog parks, agility areas, weight pull fields etc, we will be decreasing unemployment, provide inexpensive and healthy entertainment and recreation opportunities for Californians and seriously curbing the dog poop problem in public areas for those who refuse to curb their dog!
-Spending more money on pet-related products: yes, it’s true, you have to spend money to make money. But this is very simple – if you have pets, just double what you would normally buy for them. If you don’t have pets, buy and donate food, toys, bedding, etc to your local animal shelter. This greatly increases the profit in pet product companies, which in turn means THEY spend more, hire more people, give raises, etc, which positively impacts our economy. If you donate to shelters, it decreases their budget needs, which in turn saves city/county/state funds. See, it’s so easy that even I can figure it out!
-Work from home whenever you can: this allows you to spend more time w/your beloved pets, shopping for them online, as well as decreases fuel and energy needs. This results in less traffic and pollution, happier and more productive employees and perhaps, most important, much more content pets who get to lounge at your feet while you work from home!
So remember: I’m the Alternative to Arnie, Better than Bustamante and more Debonair than Davis! HARVEY 4 SPOTINATOR!!