Are you looking for the convenience of having a WIFE without the commitment? Are you considering marriage but wish you could test it out first? Do you wish to be an experienced husband before actually finding the right woman? Then I'm the wife for you!
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Services offered for a basic fee:
I will cook those wonderful homemade meals for you and have them ready when you arrive home from work.
I will pick your socks and underwear up off the floor by the edge of the bed and have them nicely washed, folded and put away.
I will keep your home immaculate at all times in case you want to entertain guests at a moments notice.
I will keep your refrigerator and shelves stocked with all your favorites food items.
I will cook all your favorite meals and nothing new unless requested.
I will be sure to pay all your bills for you (with your money of course) on time so you will continue to have an excellent credit rating.
I will tend to your yard making sure it is weed free, properly pruned and immaculately landscaped.
I will call your mother once a week and fill her in on how well you're doing and how wonderful you are.
I will be sure to tell you daily how wonderful you are and how lucky I am to be your "wife".
I will boast to all my girlfriends what a wonderful lover you are and be sure to include details about how well endowed you are, how amazingly long you can last and how much you pleasure me with your tongue and cause me to have multiple orgasms.
I will shop for gifts for your parents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, boss, secretary or anyone else you have forgotten to purchase a gift for. I will also include a lovely handwritten expression in each and every gift card.
I will promise not to complain when you climax before me and then promptly roll over and fall into a satisfied sleep leaving me sexually frustrated and annoyed.
Extra services available to ensure your experiences are "real." These services available for a premium fee:
I will offer to fake a headache in order to avoid physical intimacy so you will have an excuse to watch porn or to buy porn magazines.
I will provide sufficient nagging to ensure you feel guilty when going out with your friends. Nagging is also available for instances such as leaving your clothing strewn around.
Leaving the toilet seat up
Leaving the toilet seat down while urinating
Inviting friends over without prior notice
Not completing a necessary repair on a) car b) house c) yard; not spending enough time with our "family"
Coming home late from work even though you were putting in extra hours to purchase me a gift
Not remembering one of the following:
My birthday, our "anniversary", our child’s birthday, a school event, a charity event, my mothers birthday, my best friends birthday, Valentines Day
For not purchasing the gift I specifically had on my mind, which you failed to read
For watching too much sports on TV.
For not watching that "chick flick" with me
For falling asleep after sex while I was in the restroom cleaning myself up
For leaving a wet spot on my side of the sheets after sex because I had gone into the restroom to clean myself up
For snoring too loud
For inviting your mother over
For your lack of control regarding flatulence
For shaving stubble left in the sink
For not rinsing your toothpaste spit out of the sink
If I have left something off the list, feel free to inquire if it is available.
I will gladly shop using your credit cards for items for myself such as more shoes, purses, makeup, clothing, etc. only to decide I really don't like the way they look on me and then proceed to donate them to a charity so you can obtain a "tax credit."
I will happily invite my girlfriends over so they can poke fun at you and laugh and snicker each time you walk into/out of the room.
The following services are available and will be charged accordingly:
For a boy the charge will be $25 per day or a discounted $600 per month. For a girl the charge will be $28 per day or $750 per month. The reason the girl is so much is that clothing and accessories for a girl are more expensive.
For more then one child you must multiply each additional child by the amount above x 2.5. After 3 children the charge will be multiplied by 3.5. There is a limit of 6 children. There will be an additional charge if you request a particular race or color.
Holidays spent with your family. With one parent the charge is $200 per holiday. For two parents there is a discounted rate of $300. For brothers/sisters w/out children the charge is $250. For brothers/sisters w/children then the charge is $250 plus $25 for each child involved. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins are a flat rate of $50 each. Grandparents are free of charge provided they are fully self contained.
Holidays where we will be entertaining at our home: For a party of 10 the fee will be $200 plus the fees as described above. For each additional person, add a fee of $18 plus fees listed above.
Fees are based on time spent. Fees will increase without notice. Fees are not negotiable. Fees will be higher for wish to have the “wife” exclusively for themselves. Interviews with prospective “husbands” will take place at exclusive restaurants at your expense and are to include wine, flowers and a small token gift of jewelry.
I have over 24 years of experience and am extremely qualified.
References available upon request.