I need a heart. It's not for me, but for my now ex-boyfriend. I don't know if he lost his or maybe he was born without one, but he definitely doesn't have one. His other parts seem to be in place (legs, arms, toes, face). I know he has a mouth because there's always hurtful things coming out of it. He has ears, although new ones would greatly be appreciated because his aren't listening right. He has a brain, which I can settle for. I will barter for a smarter one at a different time, because right now he is in DIRE need of a heart.
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Now you might be wondering, why not just post this ad on the "free" section with the other junk that has stopped working or smells of mold and cat dander? And I must admit, I considered posting him right there with the fill dirt and broken concrete. But he's like those ten year old jeans you have laying in your closet, the ones you can't give away because they looked so good on you and you just might squeeze into them again one day. I'm hoping a heart will make us fit again.
In return, you, me, and my disposable camera will get sloppy drunk and run around Seattle taking hilarious pictures that we will both forget about and remember for the rest of our lives. Think of it as a fun adult version of high school Senior pictures. We can drink at any bar you choose and take pictures anywhere you'd like, the more random the better. Imagine looking at those freshly developed pictures and wondering "How did I get on that lampost?" or "When did I go into Elliot Bay with those "sexy" twins (either male of female your choice)?"
I will be needing the heart, of course, before we go on our drunken rampage, because binge drinking can lead to heart problems and in all fairness, if you needed a battery, I would not give you a half used Duracel. I will be screening candidates, so please forward me your qualifications. Required information:
1) List at least three past experiences that showcase your kindness, passion, and love for another non-family related person.
2) Two references, including phone numbers, of people who have loved or are loved by you
3) Any possible health factors (smoking is not an issue since he is already a smoker)
Please feel free to give as much detail as you like. I am a professional drunk photographer and I have left many a 1 Hour Photo clerk speechless. I will be more than willing to show you my portfolio if you have any concerns.