Okay, so you're looking for a guy. (Why else would you be reading this?)
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Bad news: Your search is almost hopeless.
Good news: I can help.
First off, let's list a few assumptions, since this is going to be done methodically and scientifically:
So far, so good. Now, let's look at the population of San Diego, based on our last census (2000):
- You are female.
- You live in San Diego.
- You are looking for a male. (We'll get a little more specific in a bit.)
Congratulations! There are 1,223,400 potential significant-others here in the fine city of San Diego -- 2,906,660 if you
include the general metropolitan area. (There are even more than that, if you include population growth since the year
2000, but let's ignore that for the time being.) Let's give you the benefit of the doubt, and go ahead and modify our
assumptions to include everyone in the metropolitan area:
Cool! I've just about tripled your resource pool, and you didn't even have to do anything.
- You are female.
- You live in the San Diego metro area.
- You are looking for a male.
I only listed the number of people here in San Diego. That number includes women, children, old folks, and
men under our target range (freakin' cradle-robber). So, let's look at how us San Diegans are divided by gender:
Well, I giveth and I taketh away. Looks like less than half of that 3 million people are gonna fit the bill. We're
still left with more than a million (1,450,423) males, so don't worry about it too much. But you're only interested in
guys that are 25-44 years of age. I figured this because it's a nice big range, for your benefit, and because the
supporting data happen to be arranged nicely. So, these are your target men:
And it's going to cost you. Next slide, please:
- 25 years old
- 26 years old
- 27 years old
- 28 years old
- 29 years old
- 30 years old
- 31 years old
- 32 years old
- 33 years old
- 34 years old
- 35 years old
- 36 years old
- 37 years old
- 38 years old
- 39 years old
- 40 years old
- 41 years old
- 42 years old
- 43 years old
- 44 years old
Thirty-four tiny little percent! We're now down to 493,143.94 males, which I'll round up to 493,144. Trust me -- you
really don't want a 94/100ths of a dude.
Now, these guys are old enough -- they should have done something interesting with themselves, right? And that's
probably gonna take some motivation, and more than a little bit of smarts. Let's be arbitrary and decide that you want a
college graduate. 25 years old and only a GED to show for it? That's not your ideal man. And since he's making
big bucks with that shiny diploma, he'd better have his own place. That's not too much to ask for, right? Otherwise
he'd be blowing it on stuff like strippers and coke. Okay, a mortgage payment it is. Let's go to the factbook for the
The sobering reality is that, in San Diego, there are only 85,437 college-educated males who own their own place and are
between the ages of 25 and 44. That may seem like a lot (2 Petco Parks' worth of young educated home-owning dudes! Be
still your beating heart!) but we've already weeded out more than 97% of the total population. And we're not
I almost forgot. I suppose you don't want your man to already have a wife, eh? How 'bout kids? (To those who
didn't answer in the negative, you're shameless. Ya got spunk, but stop reading now -- there are plenty of married men
who are willing to answer the call. Now beat it.) Here we go:
Twenty nine thousand, six hundred seventy two (29,672) unmarried, college-educated, home-owning, 25-44 year-old San
Diegan males left. Sad. So very, very sad. Okay, let's wrap up by mixing in just a few more common attributes that you
women look for in a man, the ones that do not facilitate numerical analysis:
After running a triple-regression, complex plane interleave function (with a modified vector space, of course!), I am
happy to provide you with the results of my non-numerical analysis. Given 29,672 San Diego males who fit all the
previously discussed criteria, here's how many you can expect to fit the other, non-numerical criteria:
- Physical attractiveness
- face (subjective)
- height (150-250 lbs)
- weight (above 5'10" seems to be the going rate)
- large unit
- Gainful employment
- Reliable transportation
- A sense of humor
- Intelligence, wit..."them smarts"
- A romantic
- Uses craigslist (see Intelligence)
Before you say anything, such as:
Shhh...quiet time, now. I've only got one more chart to show you, and when you look at it, you should realize how lucky
you are to have found me. Ready?
- Who is this one person?
- Where can I find him?
- Can I sleep with him?
- What about a threesome? I have a really hot girlfriend!
And all you have to do is email me. I know, I know -- it's like you won the damn lottery or something.
A 25 year-old, home-owning, degree-having, romantic, intelligent, single, unmarried, handsome, 6'2"/175 pound male
with a large unit, gainful employment, reliable transportation, and a wicked sense of humor...
...who uses craigslist.