Originally Posted: 2009-04-05 09:41 (no longer live)

WANTED: Manual for 1996 Model Male Child

WANTED…. Owner Manual for a Male, 1996 Model Child

I hope someone out there might be able to help. I need the detailed instruction manual for a 1996 model child.

We are the original owners/parents. For the first ten years, no real complaints. Everything seemed to run smoothly and work great. Then suddenly I would notice little things here and there, like the child’s eyes rolling almost every time I spoke. This was one of the first of many malfunctions. A few of the others are:

Child’s room, along with pretty much any place in the house he spends time in, are complete disaster zones. The upkeep is really taking its toll. Trails of little wrappers, garbage, empty food containers and dirty cups follow him everywhere. There is a odor always lurking from the room that can only be described as a mixture of dirty socks, ass & old pizza.

The personal hygiene of the child has become a daily struggle. Child won’t even think to brush own teeth unless you stand there and oversee the whole process. This problem comes complete with refusal to put clean clothes on, doesn’t mind wearing smelly socks a second day.

Subject has also begun to slam doors.

The maintenance costs have also skyrocketed. The “needed” stuff to participate in all the typical daily male activities has gone up more than 500% in a 5 year period. Even with the added tax benefit he brings, I am WAY in the red on this investment.

Recently during a regularly scheduled monitoring session, it was discovered that when child had friends over, they had looked at pornographic material on one of our home computers, quite unsettling.

We’re also having several annoying communication errors. When the child is asked questions, or you try to talk to him, his answers almost always contain just one syllable, spoken in aggravated tone. Unit is also making a “Tssss” sound. This is often in conjunction with the eye rolling, and accompanied by a terribly disdainful vibe.

If someone out there, anybody, anywhere, has the manual for this model child I’d gladly pay anything for it! Must contain the “Troubleshooting, Solutions & Adolescence” section. I’m sure many of you will just tell us to read the “Ass Beatings are a Good Thing” chapter. It probably would help the problem, & we haven’t yet ruled that out. Just want to start with the legal solutions.

*** Although the trade in value for this specific child is nil due to his total lack of work ethic, foul smell & and refusal to contribute anything positive to his environment. But I’d be willing to trade for the right product upgrade. Would prefer a sweeter, later (2000 or newer) female model that enjoys snuggling, getting hair braided, shopping, playing dress up and exchanging compliments. Must smell like a rose. Will gladly pay difference. ***

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