I can't believe that it has been a year today. It seems like just yesterday you were asking me for help to fill out your college applications and advice with your girlfriend.You missed your senior prom. I never wanted to know what it would be like to be an only child. For 20 years I had a little brother. I think about how much you will miss out on now that you are gone. You will never graduate from college, you will never be able to teach your son how to play baseball the way our father had taught you. My children will not have an uncle. I will not have nieces or nephews. Even after a year, the pain in my chest still remains the same. The knot in my stomach is still just as big. I miss you just as much as the day that you left us.
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I rarely go home to visit anymore. The pain that I can see in our parents eyes is too much to handle. They are numb to the world. Everytime I walk down the hall I pass your bedroom. Nothing has moved. Your pictures are still up. Your guitars are in the same place. I dont even know if anyone has been in there. When they took you off of the support our father laid next to you while you left us. He thought that it was the right thing to do. The only thing to do. He said that he was with you when you came into this world, and he would be with you when you went out. He has not been the same since.
You are missed more that you could possibly understand. Sometimes I smell your cologne when I am out and I can't help but look for you. Stupid, I know. I want you to know that when people ask me if I have any siblings, I want so badly to say that I did. I want to tell them all about my little brother who was spectacular, but it is so much easier to say that I am an only child.
I miss you. I miss you so much. There is not a day that passes that I wish that I could give up my life to save yours. I love you. Can't wait to see you again.
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