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I think we need to talk about our relationship. You’ve been a good friend to me in the past – we have shared some fun, some laughs, some deals. But Craig, I need to talk to you about the kind of guys you try to hook me up with.
I understand that finding two compatible souls is hard work. I respect your efforts, I really do. However, I think there is a fundamental flaw in your overall approach, Craig. Lets look at some examples:
In the past, I said I liked guys who are athletic and outgoing; you sent me boys who consider video games a sport and think that meeting new gamers in World of Warcraft is social.
I thought that my placing an ad in the W4M made it obvious that I was interested in single men. Considering that 80% who replied were married, I can only assume I didn’t make it obvious enough. Touché, Craig. Touché.
I indicated that I prefer tattoos, piercings and some flexibility in the 9 to 5 zone, and what do I get from you, Craig? I get insurance salesmen, accountants and computer programmers. I hope you are ashamed of yourself.
I said that I have a great sense of humor, am a smart ass and love watching South Park, Family Guy and Mythbusters; you sent me a man thinks Emeril and the cooking channel are what all humor is derived from and another who watches the 700 Club. The 700 Club, Craig!!! With that you met and exceeded my already low expectations.
I also mentioned I prefer guys a few years younger than me (preferably mid to late 20’s); seeing as the mean age of respondents was 45, I was apparently too subtle for you Craig. Either that or you sense in me an Oedipal Complex of which I am not yet aware.
Finally, I mentioned that I’m pretty independent, low-key, and relaxed type of girl. I’m busy – I own my own business, house, car, etc. When I’m not working, I like to have a good time, have fun, be spontaneous and enjoy life but am not looking to get married or have kids right now. Apparently you thought I would be a great match for forty-something guys trying to find a mother for their kids or a baby-making machine themselves – or someone to cook and clean for them – or a permanent or temporary sex toy. As I have mentioned before, Craig, I do not come as a sex only package. My vagina is not up for auction
Craig: it has become obvious to me that you believe that extreme opposites attract. I see your game, and I raise you. Craig: please find me a short, bald, uninteresting, middle aged man with no sense of humor and a small penis who loves Classical Music and hanging out at home with his kids and cat.