Originally Posted: 2007-08-19 20:28 (no longer live)

Notes on Flirting While Bowling

This is partially to the guy who joined our bowling group the other night at the AMF lanes, and partially to all men of the world, as it seems some of you need a not-so-subtle hint, and being a dude who generally had pretty good success with women before I settled down, hopefully I can help to enlighten you.

You were the well-muscled guy who joined our bowling group, a friend of that guy Ted (sorry, I don't remember your name), who bowled for a bit, taking off early. I don't blame you for hitting on our friend. I get it, she's cute. But really, dude, flirting is a lot like fishing. You cast out your bait in one spot a few times, and if you don't get a nibble, you know that spot isn't working and move on. You don't keep trying. It doesn't matter how attracted you are to a girl, if she's not into you, you're wasting your time and energy, and likely just annoying her in the process.

I understand your confusion to an extent. After all, if I had to judge, I'd say there are probably lots of girls who flirt with you and find you cute. You have decent features and a body you evidently put some work into. But not every girl will be into you. Some are married, some have a boyfriend, and some just don't consider you their type. Think about it--if a fat, hairy woman who looked like a bulldog was following you around, trying to get with you, would you care how much she tried? Would any amount of flirting, cajoling, or attempted bribery with dinner or drinks change your mind? Of course not.

But you still didn't stop. This isn't persistence on your part, it's stupidity. It doesn't matter how many times you try. You're not going to get a no 200 times, only to have her spontaneously changer her mind on attempt number 201. If anything, your persistence serves as an annoyance, and lessens any chance you might have had. I watched you crash and burn over and over again with amusement. And keep in mind that the music was so loud that conversation was only possible very close with highly raised voices. Your body language was that obvious, as was her frustration with you.

And for the record, she happens to not be into guys at all. So you have no chance there. She didn't want to say it because many people get uncomfortable with that--there are a lot of bigots and idiots out there, and Arizona is still a largely conservative state. But no matter what a girl's orientation, if she's not receptive to your flirting and isn't in to you within the first hour or so of interaction, she's not going to be. EVER. Get it through your head, dude. There are lots and lots of women out there in this world. All you have to do is look around anywhere and you'll realize how many beautiful women reside here, and many of them are pretty cool to boot.

So in the future, use a little intelligence when you flirt. If you had, you might have noticed that the cute blond the next lane over was checking you out the entire night. Now, granted, who knows what kind of girl she was, and whether she would have been anything more than a quick piece of casual fun (my instincts, which are pretty good in this category, tell me no). But flirting is about interacting with someone in a fun way, and whether or not it leads to something (or whether you decide to/not to take it further) wouldn't you have rather flirted with a girl who would have flirted back, instead of just making an ass out of yourself with a girl who clearly had absolutely no interest whatsoever?

Guys, take heed--if a girl doesn't flirt back, it's time to move on. Get a clue, instead of branding yourself as an annoying jerk in her (and her friend's) eyes.

post id: 401138691