Don’t think I don’t notice, or hear every single girl that walks up to your apartment.
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I’m not mad. I’m jealous. You’re absolutely gorgeous.
You’re about 6’3, clean cut, short blonde hair, and wow, I love your lips. Always shaved, great smile.
You smile at me, when we cross paths (at least once a week) as we both return home from our job and/or school.
From the buffet of women that consistently come and go from your apartment I have concluded you are single. From what I’ve seen, you like women ranging in height from roughly 5’4 to 5’7. They tend to range in waist/pants size of a 2 to maybe 5/6 on an occasion. Breast size seems to be the defining characteristic. Some are large, some are small. Only Caucasian though.
I’m not trying to snoop, by any means, but to be perfectly honest, your apartment is right across from mine, and we share a creaking outdoor hallway, followed by thin walls and hollow doors. So, I can basically here every person that comes and goes.
I don’t mean to be too demanding as your neighbor, but you do you think you could squeeze me in for a few rounds?
I’m one step away from just showing up at your door with a six pack of beer and a porno.
I fit your standards! I’m 5’4, size 4, C-cup. I’m a Caucasian brunette, you seem to be favoring those this past month. I don’t have a boyfriend.
I am really tired of living like this. I hear your door open and close, I don’t always (sometimes I do) hear the events that follow.
I know, also that you have this tendency to play Jane’s Addiction very loud (probably to drown out your latest venture’s screaming orgasm). Then it’s followed by Bob Dylan (not as loud, but I can still hear it.)
I also don’t understand your preferable time. Just tell me what’s good for you. I’ve heard Jane’s Addiction and Bob Dylan at 1 am, 3 am, 4 am, and mostly all-nighters on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes you aim for days too (on weekends) and usually right after you return from work/school. It’s not annoying (the music), and to be honest, it isn’t that loud from my bedroom to yours (a slight background noise actually helps me sleep), I can still hear it though. It’s annoying that you aren’t fucking me!
Can we mix it up? Maybe we can try out some Deftones? How about something older like Jimi Hendrix, live at Woodstock, followed by some Bob Dylan? Even if we can’t I don’t care.
Just cut the smiles in the outdoor hallway, and fit me in. I’ll supplement beer and food. Fuck, I’ll cook you dinner and brew you beer.
I’m available anytime this weekend, Thursday and/or Friday after 6 pm.
P.S. The girl last night, with the accent, who left your apartment and leaned (LEANED!) on the wall, took a deep breath, and then started to walk down the stairs. It was really sweet of you to chase her down a flight of stairs in your boxers and white shirt just because she left her hair barrettes or bobby pins. That was nice of you to announce, once again, that she’s leaning, out of breath, and has hair that looks like it went through a blender, because you fucked her brains out, and I didn’t get any.