I have a pair of Olive Green, silk, linen mix, Tommy Bahama business casual dress pants. They kind of look like army pants but by the way they look and flow makes them much dresser. These pants are perfect for every occasion and I look good in them. Damn good.
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So I am heading outside for a quick cigarette at work the other day and I head over to the picnic table. I wave “hi” to my female co-workers as I sit down but something is not right. I can tell I sat in something. Something sticky and I am wearing my favorite pants. But I don’t panic. I can’t jump up and act alarmed in front of the ladies. I have to finish my cigarette because I’m cool. Cool.
After everyone heads back inside, I jump up to see what I sat in. Tree Sap, Fuck! I have tree sap all over the ass of my favorite pants. Can you even get tree sap out? These are my favorite pants. I don’t know if I can even buy another pair and I look good in these pants. Damn good.
After work, I go to the local dry cleaners. It was not encouraging. They all kept telling me the same thing. The cute blond at Sanatoga Dry Cleaner was most direct. She said nothing would get out tree sap and to buy a new pair of pants. My head starts to spin. Not only are these insanely expensive but I don’t even know who sells this brand around here or if they still even make this style but I say,
“Ok, no big deal” because I’m cool. Cool.
Last ditch effort I go to Chinese Dry Cleaner in King of Prussia. I have no clue what they are talking about but they have never let me down. I point her at the sticky ass of my pants and give a slow emphatic “Tree Sap.”
“Oh tee sap, thank you thank you” She nods having no clue what I am saying.
“No. Not thank you. TREE SAP” I state a bit slower and louder.
“Oh, TEE SAP… Thank you, Thank you.” Still nodding.
I left the pants with her and just hoped against hope that somehow my pants would make it out all right. That they would pull through because I seriously look good in them. Damn good.
I pick them up today. I pulled through the blue cellophane to see how my pants came out. It was a miracle. No sap. No stains. Nothing! The pants look like new. The Chinese lady just smiled and nodded at me. I was so psiked I was ready to jump over the counter and hug her but I didn’t because I’m cool. Cool.
So now I am happy again. The world is perfect once again. The sun comes up, the birds chirp, as children play in the street. I want to share my happiness with someone. So if someone wants to come into town with me for a drink let me know. I’ll wear my pants and I look good in them. Damn good.
this is in or around King of Prussia