Women hate air guitar. It’s a fact of life that just cannot be explained. Yes it does look ridiculous, and that’s why I try not to do it in public. But the response it elicits from my wife is completely over the top. It makes her mad. I mean very very mad. Not just roll-your-eyes-and-ignore-the-dipshit mad, but truly pissed off. She’ll be mad for almost an hour afterwards sometimes.
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So, of course I do it on purpose just to push her buttons.
It doesn’t happen when I play drums on the car steering wheel. It doesn’t seem to bother her and I’ll even get the occasional complement when I get through a particularly tough part of the song. Sometimes if I whack the high-hat (rearview mirror) a little too hard she’ll just shake her head, but that’s it. So it’s really just the air guitar. I guess I could try piano or bass to further experiment but how lame would that be?
Past girlfriends have also reacted violently to my blazing riffs. Maybe it’s my technique or the look on my face when I am rocking out. I should mention here that I am a mild-mannered glasses and books kind of a guy, so the werewolf-like transformation when “Spirit of Radio” comes on is a little abrupt. I get this heavily concentrating snarl look and make grunting sounds in time to the music. My arms curl up in a cerebral palsy like contortion that in any other context would have me immediately hospitalized. My eyes roll up in their sockets and I’m there, man. In my mind I am on stage with my Fucking Hendrix tribute band laying down the law and catching that brunette’s eye in the third row…
So basically I look, and sound, like a grunting retard having conniptions. But is that any reason for her to be angry at me?