I think we should get married. Or at least date seriously, I mean, you already know so much about me, and the fact that you took such personal things means we have a lot in common.
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Take the ipod, for instance. You too, are probably a misplaced Red Sox fan, since you took it, cover and all. You searched through a lot more enticing things to get to it, so I know that you really love them as much as I do! That mere fact alone gives us a common ground upon which to build our relationship. Additionally, being that it was full of country music (embarrassing, I know, but I'm from a small New England town, but you already knew that) I'm sure that we could have tons of fun singing along to Tim McGraw and watching the Sox play. You love that dirty water too, don't you?
I love the fact that you took my birth control pills. It's so responsible of you. I bet you don't want kids right now either, and are just working to ensure our future together. It can't be that you're an idiot and thought they were actual prescription drugs. I have so much more faith in a country music loving Sox fan!
So, dearest theif of random things out of my purse: please contact me, no judgements. And enjoy the music. We should really hook up sometime if my birth control hasn't made you gain twenty pounds or have mood swings (I do have some standards for the men in my life).