FOR TRADE: THIGHMASTER
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I hate to let it go after all these years of dedication to me, however I am badly in need of a goat, and as you know how the old saying goes, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Right now my backyard mimics an unruly jungle, without the benefits of having wild animals (unless you consider rodents wild animals) and a tropical climate. After two years of trying all sorts of yard therapies, I have come to the conclusion that the only realistic solution for maintenance is to buy a goat. I can’t afford one to date, so instead I would be willing to trade my well-loved thighmaster.
The thighmaster (TM from now on) for sale is in mint condition. It has helped me turned my legs to steel. We’ve rocked out through the decades to the likes of Madonna, Blondie, and all the one-hit-wonders of the 80’s, to the “Hammer”, Milli Vanilli and well into the evolved present-day pop culture.
Just in case you think your body is in perfect shape (and by the way if you do, you are either way too vain or delusional) there are many other uses for this hot commodity.
1. Catapult. With the large blue loops on either side, objects such as large fruits and water balloons can be effortlessly pelted across a room or field at other persons.*
*Please note: TM will not take any responsibility for any damages inflicted upon said persons.
2. Furniture Repair. Due to a very large piece of furniture being pushed through a very small door, my wounded sofa has been held up by a can of tomato paste and our good friend, the TM for the past 6 months. The spring-like quality of the TM gives the sofa a whole new character.
3. Weapon. Does this even need an explanation?
So anyway, I suppose if you don’t have a goat, I could accept cash or a money order. Best offer gets the gold.