Hoping that I will not be evicted from the female gender by writing this, I must reveal the shame that the Western woman carries with herself daily as she roams the frontier that is the public restroom. For, while prim and proper in her own private toilet, insisting that the toilet paper dispenses over the roll rather than under and castigating any poor male family member for leaving the seat in the upright position, the same said woman will indeed piss all over any public toilet seat and leave the mess for the next unfortunate visitor.
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Men may now be shocked to learn that a woman would urinate all over a public toilet seat but it happens ALL THE TIME. Even when the same seat can be easily lifted out of the way, creating a larger target for the unseated urinator. Even now, in the days when old-growth trees are hewn and pulped to create filmy toilet seat covers for our convenience. Even now, in the second millennium after the existence of Christ, women insist on urinating all over the symbol of comfortable excretion of the West.
Having just returned from a trip to the East, I was at first uncomfortable with the toilets that are built directly into the floor with landings for the feet. But I soon realized that, after rolling up my pants and scooping up my scarves, I could hover in comfort and pee freely. Nothing save the foot landings was intended for any other purpose that to receive that which was given. However, I did miss the comfort of seating and occasional light reading. Flying back through Frankfurt, I was exultant to see my first Western toilet and then crushed to see the droplets of another’s urine all over the blessed seat. Sacrilege!
This phenomenon is especially repugnant given the widespread movement against men leaving the seat up. Men have been oppressed for generations for leaving the seat up when they should be proud that they are hygienic enough to actually lift the seat rather than being like a lazy woman and just peeing all over it. Men, I call on you to raise the awareness of this problem: LEAVE THE SEAT UP! Do it proudly! Post a sign on the bottom of the seat that reads, “Another clean toilet seat lives here!” Carry your shame no further.
Women, ask yourselves why you do not lift the seat. Granted, if you think that it is so dirty that you don’t want to sit on it, you probably won’t touch it to lift it out of harm’s way. We are generally provided with tissue and toilet seat covers in the restroom and you are probably wearing a shoe that would work just fine to do the initial lifting. Just lift the damn seat. Leave it up if you have to. Teach your daughters to do the same thing. It’s called hygiene.
To close, I would like to leave with this variation on the well-known poem:
If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Please be neat and LIFT the seat!
Yours in solidarity and sanitation -- lah