Guys....PLEASE. Take care of your bush. You have us ladies trained to do it so it's time to step up to the plate. You can all agree that you LOVE receiving oral sex, so why not take an extra moment to trim that huge bush and make it more likely that you will get it? Why the hell do you think us girls do it? Because we like razor burn? It's to keep you down there for as long as possible!
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And on a side note...why is it that the same guys who have the horrendous stinky nappy bush are the ones who are trying to push your face down into their shit? Coincidence? I THINK NOT. If your junk was nicely maintained it would be easier to find women willing to go visiting it.
And one more thing, since I am already ranting. Girls aren't the only ones who get funky down there. Some of you guys are truly a disgrace. It smells like balls and piss and shit, all at the same time. Here are a few tips for the hygenically challenged among you:
If you are expecting company "down below" please SHOWER if you have the chance. Yes, even if you took one that morning. Yes, even if it wasn't a hot sweaty day. SHOWER for fuck's sake. Don't make us embarrass you by suggesting a shower once playtime starts. No, we really don't like playing in the shower. Your nuts stink and we can't fucking stand it, and we are too nice to just say so. We know you won't let us get away with not going down on your nasty dick, so into the shower we go.
Wipe your ass after you shit, until there is no more shit left on the paper. It's not that hard, but ya know, there is a reason why we complain about your nasty skidmarks. BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING NASTY! And as much as I love assplay, I don't love having to dig your disgusting klingons out from underneath my fingernails.
Allow me to explain the urination procedure: Pee...tap/shake...TOILET PAPER. Yep, its not just for girls anymore! Wipe up after yourself...do a little "dab dab" to get that last drop or two out from its hiding place. When you leave wetness behind, it gets funky real quick. We don't tend to want to lick your penis when it smells like the pissy stairwell in the parking structure at 3rd Street Promenade.
Viva la oral sex!!!