So there are all these crazy rumors all over the place that Rehnquist is going to resign tomorrow. Sandy Day was one thing - there was hope that Bush might put in a Kennedy-style swinger, and we'd all be safe in our liberal beds - but now that there are going to be two vacancies on the SCOTUS, i just can't hold back any longer:
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PLEASE IMPREGNATE ME SO THAT I CAN ABORT A FETUS WHILE I STILL CAN.
I am your standard blue-state bleeding heart liberal, and I always assumed that at some point some errant condom would break and I'd be stuck at one of those "crossroads" that would lead to writing impassioned poetry about the child that might have been, but also would have been something I could have self-consciously played off as totally no big deal, whatever-i-do-this-all-the-time. I'm 23, fertile, and not entirely unattractive.
So let's talk specs:
According to my internal calendar, I ovulated earlier this week, so the sex would have to happen during the first week of August (the 2nd through 7th). We should probably do it at least twice a day for those four days, to ensure fertilization. I've been told I'm quite a good lay, so this will certainly be good for you. Since the life that we create will never actually see the light of day, I don't really care if you don't have top-quality genetic material to pass along, but it would certainly help matters if you're attractive enough to turn me on (if not, please be conscientious and bring along some lube).
Please be disease-free. Or, at the very least, have one of those diseases that's curable - if I'm going to Planned Parenthood anyway, i suppose it's no big deal to pick up an antibiotic prescription along with hitting up the vacuum tube.
Speaking of Planned Parenthood, I used to volunteer there. So I have connections, and you don't need to worry about making a financial contribution to the termination of our potential child. I'm on the comp list.
Bonus points if you're Catholic, gay, or republican, so that the aborted life will be just that much more meaningful.