TOP TEN THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU’RE SICK OF WRITING E-MAILS AT WORK
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10.Sneak furtive glances at the potted hydrangea that is always staring at you in the corner. Give it a wink. It knows it wants it.
9.Take your housemate’s choices off of the Netflix queue. He hasn’t paid his $7.99/mo. share since July, anyway. Asshole.
8.Get that piece of General Tso’s chicken that’s been stuck somewhere between your back molar and your wisdom tooth since lunch. Make sure you use your hand that has been wrapped around your germ-covered mouse all day.
7.Get your office cohorts addicted to checking the ‘Missed Connections’ postings on craigslist. Then creep them out by writing very specific MCs exposing the fact that you stare at their eyebrows over the top of your computer monitor everyday. For long hours. And that you might love them. Make it very, very obvious who you are.
6.Practice your dream of an ambidextrous existence by typing with your wrists crossed over one another.
5.Buck up, and don’t be afraid to dream of a brighter, not-too-distant future! A place where the 2” brads shine like the polished dome of Solomon’s Temple, and your cute little office tchatchkes displaying your unique personality are plated in sheets of divine platinum. Boy, wouldn’t that ALF action figure look smart then!
4.Go out! Take a break! Get some fresh air! Go to the drug store! Buy some Twizzlers Pull ‘n Peels! Go back to your office! Take a Pull ‘n Peel and tie it into a knot! See how long it takes for your unique confectionary sculptures to obtain a shell with the resistance temperament of alabaster!
3.Man, I gotta go grab a smoke.
2.Wonder how difficult it would actually be to masturbate at your desk.
1.Weep. Oh so quietly weep.
this is in or around AAL