Ladies and Gentleman, step right up!
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While my boyfriend was cleaning out his apartment last week, he came across a cache GENUINE vintage condoms from his chaste (and rather sad) adolescence! These select antiques (and the memories that come with them) can all be yours for $15.00 a piece. YES!!! I SAID ONLY FIFTEEN DOLLARS A PIECE!!!
The selection is too extensive to go into here, but follows are a few of the more select items contained in the lot:
1. Do you remember where you were when Ronald Reagan was shot? Well, if not, you can have one GENUINE Trojan unlubricated condom, expiration date March 30, 1981 to help you keep the memory alive!
2. After 10+ years of working as an underpaid admin in some corporate hellhole, do you miss the yesteryear when the only pressing thing you had to do was dry-hump some Clearasil-slathered sweetie in the back of your mom's Aries K sedan? If so, have we got the item for you: one generic brand condom (expiration date: June 1986) in a jaunty cardboard packet painstakingly engineered by experts for distribution via vending machines found at a truck stop! That's right, all you need to re-create the "moment" is the sedan, malt liquor, and Winger cassette!*
*Girl and premature ejaculation also not included.
3. One for the true connoisseur: one Fiesta brand flavored condom; vintage 1992. As many in the know will tell you, this was a spectacular year for this lot and collectors will pay handsomely for it. Not only does it have a robust bouquet, but it has a strong fruity flavor with hints of berry and vanilla undertones. A good dessert condom, but would also go nicely with cheese and crackers.
...And this is just a small sampling of what we have in stock! Act now while supplies last! I have seen lesser examples auction on Ebay for at least 3 times the cost! This items will not remain unsold for long!