Hi. Even for Craig's List, this is going to be a strange ad. But I promise, it's legit.
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I'm a single, straight guy, in my early 40’s, recently moved to NYC, with almost no social circle here (and, even worse, I work on my own). No history of mental illnesss, jail time or listening to country music. Moving to NY has been fantastic, but the one thing is, I have been finding it hard to meet women. So I’m doing the normal, typical, rational thing that any guy in my position would do -- I'm looking to hire a female "wingman," that is, a "wingwoman," to break the ice for me in social situations.
Got your attention, didn’t I? Good. Keep reading…
This is a real job I'm offering; it's not a personal ad in disguise. I'm also not a journalist trolling for a story, a Nigerian scamster, or a reality show producer. Perhaps more surprisingly, I'm also not a freak, weirdo or serial killer - I am just not good at walking up to a woman I don't know and getting beyond "Hi" and I want to do something about it.
This would be a part-time, occasional gig. Get-togethers would be in Manhattan or occasionally Brooklyn; sometimes afternoons, sometimes evenings. (Generally speaking, NOT in bars or nightclubs. I am more of a HK Flea Market / Greenflea / Moth / Big Terrific / Midsummer Night Swing type of guy. This is also my kind of thing.) Probably 2-5 hours per stint. We would only meet in public places and I would pay you ($20/hour) cash.
And you don't have to be single or even "unattached" to apply - there's no "hanky panky" involved. (I really don’t care if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend or significant other, as long as that person knows about and is cool with the situation.)
If you want to know more details about the arrangement, check out these articles:
Are You With Him? Why Yes, Want to Date Him?
Wingwomen (8 pages long)
I am NOT looking to looking for someone to “lure” 100 unsuspecting women my way so I can sleep with and then dump them. This is SO not about that. At this point in my life, I’m not looking for 100 women, I’m looking for ONE special one. This is all about Quality Over Quanity.
And I’m probably going to hire several different “wingwomen,” part-time, depending on who’s interested in doing what kinds of things.
Please, please, please – only reply to this posting if the following description matches you pretty much exactly:
(1) Reading this post, you first thought, "This MUST be a scam or a gag." Then after you read it some more, you started to think, "Hey, maybe there's something to this..."
(2) You then thought to yourself, "Huh, this TOTALLY describes me. You mean I can get PAID for this...?" (Very possibly, a friend forwarded you this post with the subject heading, “This job was made for you!”)
(3) You appreciate the inherent ridiculous of this whole concept, but are nevertheless intrigued. In fact, assuming that I am not a freak or a weirdo, this sounds like the most fun job ever.
(4) You are an adventurous person. You are not afraid to try new things.
(5) You have a good sense of humor and probably don't take yourself too seriously.
(6) You are a socially outgoing, and socially-savvy, person.
(7) Your natural modesty aside, you know that you’re very, very smart. (Minimum requirement: you know the difference between your, you're and yore.) (If you can use affect and effect as both a noun and a verb, let’s just skip the wingwomaning and elope.) You may have a day job for the money, and one or two side projects going on involving something you're really interested in.
(8) You're discreet and not a gossip. I plan to keep your involvement confidential, I expect you to do the same for mine. This is NOT something for you to write about, even in your blog. It's private. Really.
(9) You are looking for some part-time, occasional work - afternoons and/or evenings and/or weekends.
(10) You are 30-something or older. (It will be weird if you are young enough to be my daughter.) Okay, weirder.
Okay, by this point, Gentle Reader, I figure you're thinking one of 3 things:
(A) "This guy is REALLY wacko."
(B) "Yeah, this is something I could do, I guess. How hard could it be?"
(C) "Oh. My. God. THIS JOB WAS MADE FOR ME! That is so bizarre!" (But in a good way.)
IF - AND PLEASE, ONLY IF - YOU ARE ONE OF THE TINY GROUP OF PEOPLE IN CATEGORY C, I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR FROM YOU.
If you'd like to apply for the gig, send me an email telling me about yourself and please include a photo. If you're embarrassed, scared or weirded out, you don't have to include your real name, but please be honest about everything else. If you're going to apply, PLEASE spend a little time telling me about yourself - just one or two lines isn't going to do me (or you) any good. If your photo is too large to be sent to the Craig's List email address, you can email me directly at docinnyc at Hotmail. If all goes well, we can meet at some centrally-located, well-lit coffee shop (with plenty of escape routes) and check each other out, and if we're both satisfied, we can take it from there.
Thanks for reading!
A few notes...
If you feel you aren't the right gal for me, but you KNOW the right gal for me - in either sense - yes, by all means, go ahead and forward her this ad. (Your Maid of Honor status is guaranteed.)
By popular request, I've now set up a Facebook profile. Feel free to send me a friend request. However, please don't JUST send me a link to your Facebook profile, and don't JUST "friend" me out of the blue - if you're interested in the position, you have to send me an email so I can keep track of things.
Please don't just reply with a bunch of photos. I'm not looking for a model!
Please don't reply WITHOUT including a photo. Sorry, I won't be opening any such emails. Promise.
This is not a scam, so please don’t write me saying, "I think this is a scam, but I'm applying for the job anyways…" (That doesn’t even make any sense!!!) If you think this is a scam, God bless you, but just don't write me. Please. I'm looking for someone who reads the post and says, "I get it. This will be fun." If that wasn't your reaction, then this gig is not for you.
(BTW, what sort of scam could it be, anyways? What's my Evil Master Plan? To lure you to a crowded Starbucks and spill a latte on you? Why??? No wait – DON'T ANSWER THAT. Never mind.)
Also, please don't send me hate mail. Really, is there any point? (Okay, if you absolutely MUST send me hate mail, please at least make it direct and to the point. A simple, "I hate you, you are a monster!" will more than suffice.)
And finally, just to clear things up, I am NOT actually a doctor. (Several people inquired in their emails.) "Doc" is an old nickname of mine (mostly because I've always had a knack for solving *other* people's problems, strangely enough). Sorry if that was misleading (or if you were trying to hook up with a single doctor).
Thank you for reading my novel-length post. The audiobook and Kindle versions will be available soon.
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- Location: Manhattan/Brooklyn
- Compensation: $20/hour
- This is a part-time job.
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
- Please, no phone calls about this job!
- Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.