Hi,
I seem to be having an awful month and absolutely nothing is going right. Would anyone like to spend a fun evening, getting a couple of drinks, watching a movie and then smothering me to death with a large, handmade, patchwork pillow?
The last part should only take about ten minutes, less if you've experience in this area. I'll even pay for the drinks and movie. I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humor, fun personality and a sufficent amount of upper body strength. Race/sex/orientation unimportant, though attractiveness is a plus.
You would seriously be doing me a great favor and you'll have an interesting piece of dinner conversation for the next couple of weeks.