QR Code Link to This Post
This is going to sound bizarre, but here goes:
I'm a single, twenty-seven year old female, the oldest child and only daughter in a not-too-religious, but fairly traditional Jewish Family. Lately, as my grandparents get older and their health becomes fragile, I find that my whole family is putting increasing pressure on me to be dating seriously, moving towards marriage, etc. My father's sweet mother desperately wants to see me settled before she dies, and her tendency to worry frays what is left of her delicate nerves. And my mother's mother is a manic ballbuster who loves me dearly, but is concerned that I'm throwing my beauty and charm away, working too hard when I should be, as she puts it, "shtupping my brains out." You would not believe this woman.
Well, on my brother's foolish advice, I lied and told them I was seeing someone, in order to get them off my back and make my grandmothers' faces light up. I know it was wrong for me to lie, and believe me, I'm kicking myself. Somehow, my small lie got out of control! Now, Passover is here, and they are expecting that I'll be bringing my "boyfriend!" I've fucked myself over, haven't I? You can laugh at me all you want, and tell me I deserve it. But I'm hoping there is a kind, understanding soul reading this board, who wouldn't mind coming as my fake Passover date.
What I need you to be:
Jewish-- so you'll know the customs, etc. I’m not going to all this trouble only to have the family freaking out that I'm dating a non-Jewish boy!
Age 28-35, or roughly thereabouts.
Employed-- they'll be asking you what you do.
Outgoing and fun-- my family are a big, goofy, fun-loving bunch.
An Intelligent Conversationalist-- my family loves to have friendly political debates. Ok, I admit it: they're all lawyers...but nice ones!
Handsome enough to make my grandma want to pinch your ass! (Don't worry, I'll protect you)
What you'll get:
The extreme gratitude of a kind, if duplicitous, female.
A fantastic Passover meal.
A sense of well being from having helped someone.
A funny story to tell your friends.
An adventure...sort of?
Look, I realize that my list of incentives above may not be enough, and I realize I'm asking quite a lot. Maybe there's some way I can help you-- do you need a fake date to anything? I'm also a fantastic editor, if you have some writing with which you need help. I can also offer all kinds of very helpful dating strategy advice and insight into the hearts of females; my guy friends all rely on me as their consigliere.
You probably wonder: if I'm so great, why do I need a fake date at all? Well, I think the Karma cops have got me there-- if I hadn't lied, I probably WOULD be seeing someone right now!
Anyway, I know this idea is farfetched and very last minute. But, what do you think?