In a press release from the Louisiana State Governer's Office yesterday, it was announced that there are no more slim, young, attractive, caucasian females (SYACFs) remaining to be "rescued" from the Gulf Coast. The last SYACF was shipped off to her aunt's home in Deleware at approximately 8:30 AM EST yesterday.
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Speaking to the press from beneath a paper mountain of offers for "relocation help" from middle-aged, middle class, overweight, balding, sexually disenfranchised men from all across North America, Governer's Office staff member Dale Michael LeBeaux offered the following statement:
"They're all gone, guys, I'm sorry. There are no more devestated and starving near-naked young vixens with large breasts left to be rescued. Every last SYACF has headed to the home of relatives or is enjoying a stay on a plush Yankee college campus while our city gets it's pants back up, and none of them have expressed interest in providing sexual favors to pot-bellied internet strangers in exchange for 'relocation and a fresh start' in Secaucus, NJ or Backofbeyond, Montana."
"We tried," said LeBeaux. "We printed out all the offers and taped them on the walls of the Superdome various temporary shelters across three states so the gals without internet access could see them. It worked out for everyone. The young ladies got plenty of stress-relieving laughs out of it, and thanks to the generous donation of the print-outs from a Texas Kinko's Copy Center, we were darn glad to have them around when the toilet paper ran out."
When asked if a fresh supply of nubile blond co-eds teetering on the brink of death might become available, the answer didn't offer much promise. "Half the city is water-free again," stated LeBeaux, "and some of the girls have already come back."
Also no longer in supply are attractive MILFs with one attractive young child, displaced cheerleaders, or breast-enhanced strippers seeking a simbiotic relationship and a housecleaning job in suburban Boise.