Hello gals of Mumbai and beyond …… I am looking for an obnoxious girlfriend for one week to restore my glee in being single.
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Nowadays I find myself stuck horribly in situations where mostly everyone I know is either in one of those relationships or is happily hitched or is finally married. I was pleased and really contented to be single for the last year but now that I have been exposed to all these happy-happy people in relationships, I'm starting to wonder really big time if I need one too.
In my head, I know I don't (actually I'm not sure …..hehe), but let's make this solid with an experience. This is where you figure in. I need you around for one week in the role of an awful, dreadful, terrible girlfriend to renew my so-called glee in being single.
Sweetie… my requirements of you:
* -You are decently attractive…which means u can simply be the ordinary girl that we usually c around town. Sorry, but if this is to work out for me, you have to be a decently pretty girl who is nice to look at but a total b**** otherwise.
* -Be extremely needy and fully deprived of any attention. Pls ring me twenty seven times a day, always checking where the hell I am, checking out who the hell I'm with, checking out what the hell am I doing etc.
* -Have poor or for that matter zilch manners. When we decide to go out together, I want you to not use your tissue, tip damn poorly or not at all, etcetera etcetera
* -Stare at other guys when we're out together. Bonus points for flirting with them.
* -Don't listen one bit when I talk, and interrupt me nearly everytime
* -Wear hideously ugly n flashy clothes,
* -Have totally absurd and wildly inaccurate info n data n unfounded opinions. It is your mission that you are right about freakin everything u say n do.
* -Flick or rob something of mine. I will set out one predefined thing or article that you must steal from my place under any circumstances.
* -Don't be too bothered or upset when I end things after nearly a week (and part of this deal is that I (ME, MOI …..if u get what I mean) am the only one designated to break things off). You assume and also know for sure what you're getting into and do not form any love or awkward bond.
After the bad week is gone … we can either be pals and laugh hilariously about this, or we can pretend that we've never really met and ignore each other big time if we happen to meet in a public place.
So then …. now u can ask me : What do you get out of this silly thingy?
At least 5 nights out (you pay your half, sorry. I am rich and well educated but still !). A stolen item (of my choosing). A good anecdote to tell people later. Contentment that you are also single. A super-duper chance to utter your malevolence. A dissatisfying rendezvous for both of us.
You'd be a total and absolute fool to pass up this grand opportunity!
PS: I'm a nice guy ... if i like u ... i might just keep u ;) Take ur chance , u neva know ..... nothing ventured - nothing gained !