It would have been so easy to be gay. In a lot of ways I really want to be homosexual. A fag. Queer. Why not? I would be getting laid all the time (spare me the 'you're so vain' replies, gay men hit on me constantly so getting laid would *definitely* be easy or at least much, much easier than it is when I'm CHASING women) and a great sex life is critical to happiness. That's why so many straights are miserable. So much harder to get laid when you're a straight male or woman, but that part I'll have to assume, as I'm male and won't pretend to speak for the female population.
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Gay sex? All the time, anytime I wanted it. Even gay 'companionship' would be easier to find. Fuck, most of my friends now are male anyway. No, what I wanted (still do) to rid myself of is that fucking power you awful female creatures have over me. You'll never know a fucking thing about it, either so I won't bother explaining it. Straight men know what I mean, though. My brothers in arms, we of the "oh god there's another one I'll never have" club. We walk around wounded, constantly (seemingly) frustrated because we have been burdened with this pounding biological urge to fuck, fuck, fuck til we can fuck no more, all the hotties we can see. And if we were gay, honestly, we could and would fuck a MUCH higher percentage of them. I'd venture to say that I could have sex with about 80% of the gay men I *would* want to *if* I were gay or so inclined. If I couldn't have those particular men sex would be so easy to get that it would matter much less.
But I like women. And not just women, pretty, sexy, beautiful, hot, stunning, tantalizing, intelligent, creative women. But I repress it because it hurts to want something so much. What if I get it? What then? What if I lose my sense of independence to her? What if I get rejected by her? What if she finds me unfit and (seriously) laughs at my manhood? I do not want to want something that much, constantly. I want to turn off the fountain of lust, so I don't watch certain TV shows, go to movies with certain actresses, go to clubs where the hotties hang out. I do not want to see something I cannot have and it hurts, almost literally, to see, want and not get. Damn the frustration of it all.
But if I were gay, there'd be no problem. Need cock? Grab a couple of bucks and go to The Loft or whatever the local gay fuckhole is now. It's crawling with men just looking for sex. Hell, it's as anonymous as you want it to be (don't bother asking me how I know the details, it should be clear to anyone reading between the lines. I tried and it just didn't take) which is actually what seems to turn a lot of men, gay or 'straight' on. Countless of my 'straight' male friends always tell me their fantasies about anonymous sex with women they see everyday on the el, etc. Many of my female (straight, to whatever degree women are actually straight) friends have told me they fantasize about anonymous sexual encounters with men as well. Gay men have them, folks. It's as fun (ostensibly) as it sounds. Hell, I've had anonymous hetero sex and it was red fucking hot, but it's such a rare set of circumstances that allow *that* to take place.
And one last thing: the prostate. And the ass/sphincter in general. Look, folks, it's a fun play area for all. Straight guys, lose your fucking uptight attitudes surrounding your ass and prostate and get in touch w/your sexuality. Stimulating the prostate during sexual intercourse (getting a reacharound while your butt is drilled) feels fucking amazing. Incredible. I'm venturing a guess that there are as many nerve endings in the ass as there are in the head of your cock, or damn close. And the prostate benefits from the stimulation as studies have shown men who take it up the ass actually have lower rates of prostate cancer. Research indicates this may very well be caused by the stimulation of the prostate during the act of getting your ass rammed, guys. Why do I mention this? Because if I'm a straight guy, I pretty much lose that area of sexual pleasure. Most straight girls are soooo fucking boring in bed and uptight that they'd never consider strapping on the 'do and doing the boy up the ass. Yes, I've dated many freaky chicks in my time but, while I've never explicitly asked, I'm tending to think that a vast majority of women would have issues with the idea. Call me crazy.
As if this shit weren't enough to really overload the senses, we have all the other issues involved with heterosexual relationships, such as the fact that by and large they absolutely fucking suck. Hey at least we can legalize them, which I suppose is nice. We can legally make each other fucking miserable. Great. Monogomy in hetero's might be just as tenuous a proposition as it is for queers, folks. The divorce rate is 50%. Everyone compromises. Men are always tempted to stray and more often than not, after 4 years or more of marriage both sides are sexually bored with each other. And the kids... what a fucking nightmare. I'd rather stay single.
Basically, this whole thing sucks. Gays, you may not know just how lucky a lot of you are. Being straight is miserable. I wish I were gay. If I were gay, there'd be no problem, but no. What I have is a sexual abnormality so bizarre it must be hidden from the public at all cost...
I'm straight. And I don't think I want to be. Women, I love you and hate you for wanting you. Fuck you. Can I? Please?