First, I want to start by saying I miss you. Though our relationship did not last past the week, the brief fire that was left in my heart, ignited by your feelings for me, allowed me to push forward and get a better grasp on my life. With that, let me remind you why I fell in love with you.
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It was Saturday. It had been a gloomy day to match my distraught mood. I hated my job. Only fair for life to throw it's bullshit weather in my face to add insult to injury. I was driving 94 into the cities during rush hour. To my knowledge, an accident had occurred a few miles that halted traffic faster than girls seeing Justin Bieber walking down the sidewalk in front of their school. (Maybe that isn't a good analogy, the guy seems to be a prick now-a-days. Let's say Fabian Johnson from the US soccer team. Guy has a chin of a God.)
You were next to me in your car. A white Prius. Windows down, singing to some God awful song from the latest boyband bullshit they play on city radio stations. Normally, I would reach for the closest garbage object on my passanger side floor and chuck it at you. (Seeing that I never in my life could convince someone to ride with me in my rusted out truck, I never bothered with cleaning it.) However, something caught my eye. You had a Tamagotchi on your key chain.
"My God," I said to myself, "I am in love."
Little did you know. Tamagotchi key chains were my everything. It was the only possession I carried over from my childhood, aside from my welts my father left me playing with "such girly things." My heart swelled with emotion, my mind buzzing around in a hundred different ways I could confess my love for you. I wrote poems in the short moments I stared across the highway at you. Your beautiful red half attempted dyed blonde because you were probably insecure hair just touching your shoulders. Your ears too. Such perfect ears. Those of you who make a study of such things know what I am talking about. Your lips, such elegant and supple lips, I wanted to stick-
A sudden honk jolted me out of my daydream. What fucking prick would dare interrupt me while I fantasized over such perfection. I looked ahead and noticed the traffic flowing again. You started to speed up to 15 leaving me breathless and longing for your sight again. I had to act fast, less I loose you to the herding of cars.
I floored the pedal slightly going into your lane.
The sound must have echoed across the highway for miles. It seemed time slowed down and all eyes starred at us. Because I starred at you, and your Tamagotchi. Both were ok.
"You fucking bastard!" You yelled. Although you seemed upset, I knew you too were in love. For I held up my own keychain, revealing a blue Tamagotchi from 1997. It did not stop you from frothing at the mouth practically.
"It's ok. My insurance will pay for your shit car." I explained casually.
"You fucking better!" You exclaimed.
"Listen, let me get your information and I will call you later tonight and we will get this figured out." I said as I handed you my information. After a few minutes of you yelling at me out of love, you left, leaving me with your name, and phone number.
I didn't even have to buy you a drink.
For the next couple hours I prepared everything. I set out all 46 Tamagotchis I had collected over the years. I polished all of them, and there they sat, awaiting your arrival. Somehow, I convinced you that I was a good person and would like to make everything up to you by making you dinner. It must have been my amazing SWAG that hooked you, because you accepted. (It also could have been you found out that I didn't actually give you my right info, and you wanted to get that from me.) REGARDLESS, you came. And I was about to as well.
You opened the door. I sat behind the door and slammed it shut as you entered. Your scream was as if Sirens of the ocean called to me. I hushed you after several knocks to my forehead and explained what was going on. You stared at them. Obviously awe struck, for your first words were, "Oh my God."
I then asked if you would like me to get you anything, before we made our marriage official through Tamagotchi Life.
"The bathroom." you replied.
I led you to it and sat back down at my table awaiting for your presence. It was understandable, and person seeing such a glorious collection as mine would make a person wet themselves with excitment.
3 hours passed. You sat in there. I knocked on the door a few times wondering if you needed a Tamagotchi to play with while on the toilet. No response. After 3 hours I forced my way in explaining that sometimes the door did get stuck and I was coming in. You weren't there. Like magic, you disappeared. I shut my window not wanting to get the cold air in.
S. PLEASE respond to my calls. I have missed you. Bruises still line my face from our meeting that night. I need to show you my pets. My Tamagotchi pets. I fear I might loose it again if you don't.
Please respond with the color Tamagotchi you had on your keyring as the header. I will always wait for you