So I just need to get something off my chest.
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I like sex.
No, I take that back. I don’t like sex. I LOVE sex. I love men, and their bodies, and the way their muscles move under their skin, and the power I feel when making them moan. And I love casual encounters. I work hard, I’m busy, and I don’t really want a boyfriend. A fuck buddy? Hell yes. Being able to call someone on a random Friday night, have them come over and blow my mind? Yes, yes, yes. Hell, if they’re good, they can even sleep over. If they’re really, really good, I might make them breakfast the next morning. Pancakes and eggs after some mind-blowing sex? Sign me right up.
But you know what I don’t love? I don’t love guys that assume that because I’m looking for a casual encounter, I will just show up and fuck them. Umm… have you ever read the news? I’m not interested in getting chopped to little pieces here buddy. I’m going to need to meet you in a public place first and make sure you’re not the next Ted Bundy. Seriously. Letting you into my house, not to mention my vagina. Hoping to survive both experiences, thanks.
Also, “no fattys” pisses me off. First off, I am a fatty. Not like “morbidly-obese-I-break-a-sweat-walking-up-the-stairs” fat, but I’m definitely not a size 8. And I can respect that some people are just not attracted to a bigger girl. But you know what? You’re on fucking craigslist, posting pictures of your dick. Perhaps you don’t have much room to be picky. Perhaps that “fatty” will blow you and your mind. I have yet to be told I’m not good in bed, but boy have I heard that I’m the best they’ve had. You know why? Because I LOVE SEX. I don’t have the best body in the world, but I do amazing things with what I’ve got.
Oh, and to the married creepers? Die. Seriously, wtf? I may be terrified of marriage, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t respect the idea. Never in all my life will I ever help someone cheat on their partner. Never. No, not this once because you “eat pussy so well”. I wouldn’t care if I came from you looking at me. You are married. I will never go there. Get a divorce if you are that unhappy. You are a douche.
Also, spelling and grammar count folks. I don’t need to fuck a brain surgeon, but I like to think the person I’m sleeping with is intelligent enough to spell pussy correctly. If you can’t take the time to run a spell check, what makes me think you will take the time to really satisfy me in other ways?
And finally, I’m open to a lot of things, but when I set limits on who I’m interested in, respect them. I say I’m not looking to meet anyone over 34 because I am 27. Seven years older than me is the farthest I can go and still be attracted to someone. I have a father. I don’t need one in bed. Likewise, all you cute little early 20-somethings, I’m sure you’re nice, but no. I have siblings that are your age or younger. I can’t do it, no matter how awesome you are. It would make me feel dirty, and not in the good “spank me, I’ve been naughty” kind of way.
So yes. That's my rant in a nutshell. Common sense can take you a long way in this world. Good sex can take you farther.
- Location: S. Lincoln
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