Dear Computer Science Professor,
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You're not that attractive. If I thought you were the type that drank beer, I would say that your beer belly extends over your belt in a pretty gross way. But since, in my imagination, I picture you as more of a body shot kind of guy, I'm guessing you have an unhealthy love of pizza and other carbohydrates that will one day lead to severely clogged arteries and possibly an early death. You are in your late twenties (I think), yet you still have baby fat on your face, and you don't shave. You think you are much funnier than you actually are, you use 1337 speak when you lecture, and you have spent multiple semesters in the same classroom without realizing that the same whiteboard markers have been there the whole time and they WILL NEVER work. Please buy new ones.
Now, I don't think I'm the hottest girl to ever walk this earth, but I have my admirers. I'm young, I'm thin, I've got a nice rack and a cute butt, and I'd consider myself a solid 7.5 or even an 8 or an 8.5 on a good day. If you tried to approach me at a bar, my friends would laugh in your face. If we met anywhere else but in the classroom, I'd say I'm out of your league and you should go find some older chubby chick you could eat pizza in front of the television with.
Since we met in class, however, things are different. See, I have this really twisted tendency to lust after men in positions of authority. Maybe it's because I never met my father, or because I like to be dominated in bed, I don't know. The point is, Computer Science Professor, that I want you. Bad. It's getting to the point that going to class makes me uncomfortable because I'm fantasizing about you so much I'm afraid I'm making googly eyes at you when you talk. You know what's even worse? My ex boyfriend is in the class with me. And I think he knows I want you. And I don't think you know that he's my EX. But he is. So, you know, if you ever want to invite me to your office hours, lock the door, clear off your desk, bend me over and fuck me 'til I scream, you're welcome to, because I'm unattached.
So, dear computer science professor, if you see this, I just want you to know that I want you in a completely unhealthy way. I'm not really the casual sex type (in fact, I haven't had sex in over a year) but I think I could waive that rule for you. It would be pretty cool if we could exchange sex for grades, but that's up to you. I'd settle for the sex. I don't do anal, but I give really good head. If you're interested, let me know.
Your B Student