Seeking a roommate for a hypothetical apartment share, search criteria as I've been finding on other Craiglist ads. I prefer a roommate who has an outside job, so they are not at home most of the week, and travel often, because I just want your rent money and don't actually want you living here. No music, no pets, absolutely no overnight guests! Please refrain from showing any aspect of your humanity and/or ability to love.
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You may have seen this ad up for six weeks, and that is because I can't find anyone who suits my ridiculous needs. This does not tell me to modify them, rather, I simply place new ads. This time I checked "cat and dog" okay, although under no circumstances are you to bring an animal into my home. Perhaps someone else wrote this ad for me, and checked that box unbeknownst to me. At least, that is the story I will stick to when you call. I can't be bothered to be aware of the ads regarding my own apartment.
Far be it from me to be realistic, I will behave as if I'm offering you an opportunity to live a life of LA luxury; however, it's just the smallest room available in my apartment that I obviously can't afford alone. Despite my personal economic situation, your lack of a high-paying job will not be acceptable. Actors and other artists are today's lepers. Stay in your colonies.
Nowhere on Earth is a living room considered a private room, except in my magical apartment. This is because I have hung a magic sheet.
Also, I will subject you to a CIA-level background check, and credit check, as well as require first and last month's rent and a security deposit three times the amount anyone could describe as reasonable. There is no lease involved so you will be simply hoping the deposit money isn't lost, but let's face it...it is. Small claims court takes years.
I will tell you absolutely nothing about myself. Please send pics.
- cats are OK - purrr
- dogs are OK - wooof
- Location: Los Angeles
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests