I knew we were meant to be the moment you said Hillary Clinton was a lizard person. I didn't care that you liked wearing socks with your flip flops, or that you like to dress in all black leather. I didn't judge you for being #Team Edward, or Bernie. Truth is, you make me laugh to the point my chapped lips bleed.
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As I lay at night awake writing in my pink and purple "My Little Pony" journal, I snuggle up to my waifu pillow and wish it was you. I vision you standing there with your Fabio hair blowing in the wind. In one hand you have a hammer and in the other is a pack of vagina dental dam.
You will probably never see this..... But if you do,ride off with me in the sunset on my George Jetson mop. Come live a life together on a farm, breeding horses simulation style. I will never force you to drink shitty drinks like Budlight. And we can have pet rats and train them to do cool tricks.