Originally Posted: 2007-08-12 14:18 (no longer live)

Strictly Platonic? More like strictly annoying...

Ugh! What is wrong with people that don’t get what this section is about? Having a limited vocabulary is no excuse for not knowing the definition of platonic. Why? Because CL bothers not once, but twice (!!) to define it for the vocabulary challenged. The first definition shows up when you try to post, and it’s also the most lucid: “Just Friends.” The second definition gets more into the philosophy/etiology of the word, and defines it as “transcending physical desire” or something like that.

Point being, for the likewise attention-span-challenged: THIS SECTION IS NEITHER MEANT FOR THOSE SEEKING LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, NOR FOR THOSE JUST TROLLING FOR ASS. CL has thoughtfully provided you, the clueless, not only with a definition of platonic, but also with several appropriate areas to post your amorous ramblings. Want sex, NSA? Try Casual Encounters. Possibly want a relationship, long term or otherwise? You’ll almost certainly find the “men seeking women” or whatever sections more tailored to your needs.

Here’s a smattering of choice words/phrases that would never appear in a post, were it truly platonic:

1) “I am disease-free.” Frequently, this morsel is accompanied by a request for similar in respondents. WTF? If you genuinely have no sexual intentions, then who cares? Additionally, given actual percentages concerning STD’s, namely, with 80% of the population having HPV, and 20-25% having herpes simplex II, chances are, sweetheart, unless you’re a virgin, you aren’t disease free. The STD clinics, if you’ve ever been in one, don’t even bother testing for these (except visually, which amounts to nothing) in their standard package deals; you can ask, but it’ll cost you quite a bit of money to have it done. I know this because I’ve bothered to be tested.

2) “Cock”, “Pussy”, “Lick you all night”, etc. Again, WTF? Tighten up your game, moron, people post here for friends and such. Those seeking action (or a steady) won’t be looking for it here, and for the most part, if they come across your posting here, they’ll think you’re an imbecile. It doesn’t even matter if you had a quality post: your readers will realize that you can’t read/can’t follow the most basic of instructions.

3) “Respondents must/should be: (choose your favorite) attractive/thin/in shape/interested in marriage/desire to have children some day/not balding/well-off/curvaceous/etc.” This gem usually comes complete with an ultimatum concerning a photograph, as in the author won’t respond without one. Huh? What exactly are you afraid of? That if you meet a stranger for coffee, the other strangers in the place will secretly be mocking you for sitting with someone that doesn’t emulate super models or corporate billionaires? Have you matured emotionally at all since grade school? Could someone please explain this for me?

I’d like to close this with a suggestion for women: I’ve posted here three times. The first two times, when I posted for respondents to either be male or female, out of the total of 96 men who answered, exactly 96 were actually looking for sex. Not kidding. Some of them instantaneously revealed their intentions by attaching nude/genital photos with their first email, some took 3-7 emails before mentioning their “sexy voice and body” and desire to “be with a quality lady like you”. Out of the 35 or so that appeared to have no misunderstandings about the point of us meeting up, 34 propositioned me that first night, and the last guy did so after we’d been hanging out once or twice a month for about five months. The third time, I posted for female respondents only, and still about 40% of those that answered were guys looking for action. Ridiculous. Ultimately, it’ll save you a load of wasted time to post solely for women, and delete the male respondents. Just a suggestion.

post id: 395290757