Rant: My Chicago Apartment Search...a Haiku Cycle

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1.

I need a new place
To shack up with my girlfriend:
Time to browse craigslist

2.

You stupid asshole.
"Sassy" doesn't mean "tiny."
I won't rent a tomb.

3.

"Just steps from the eL,"
Sure. If by steps you mean miles.
Don't lie, you asshat.

4.

"Newer" kitchen means
"We re-did in the sixties."
No wood-burning stoves.

5.

"East Rogers Park" Place?
Obviously. No one moves
To West Rogers Park.

6.

So "Loft Style" now means
Room in abandoned warehouse?
My Aunt Suzy's Ass!

7.

"This 'hood is safe," though
The twitching junkies give pause.
Are those guys just lost?

8.

"Thank god you are white."
Why do you say this to me?
Fucking racist prick?

9.

So some guy lived in
The Lakeshore drawbridge for years?
Fuck it. I'll take it.

Thank you, have a great day. On a related note, my girl and I need a place under $1000 bucks for May 1st. If you've got any leads, help. Salut.

As a special bonus feature, a reminder that America needs your baby, so go "catholic!" All the sex, none of the uncomfortable rubbers!

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