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You have blessed my life in so many ways, I feel that I should publicly recognize your committment to my wellbeing.
When I have needed a place to live, you have provided numerous options and twice led me unto the perfect apartment at the right price. You then showed me the way to furniture and conveyed to the masses when I placed said furniture into the alley behind my apartment because it wasn't worth moving to the new place.
You have helped me sell countless housewares: toaster ovens, small electronics, a box of string.
When I needed a haircut or highlights, you provided students from swanky salons to craft stylish bobs or honey undertones for free or only materials. When I was lonely, you brought me Strictly Platonic friends, when I was thirsty, men to buy me beer and when I was hungry, men to buy nice dinners.
When I was horny, you sent an abundance of men ready to bone me, and then leave without my having to come up with a nice way to ask them to go. If I were to put all of the unsolicited penis pictures into a cup, it would surely runneth over.
Oh, and that guy who took me on that date to the strip club and bought me lap dances who I then gave head against a public school 2 blocks from my house at 3am? Thanks for him especially.
When I was ready to look for love, you sent (after a bit of trial and error) an attractive attorney who wants to settle down and has red body hair that makes my heart flutter. And when he told me that he wanted a threesome, you brought forth a suburban soccer mom with a rockin' body who was looking for adventure and was in town on business. Your kindness knows no bounds.
Yes, there are many fakes and flakes and spam pollutes your postings. Yes, many who seek your beneficence would benefit from a spell check function and intensive study of Strunk & White. But you show that everyone has the right to communicate with the world at large, regardless of how incomprehensible that attempt may be. You embrace all, without question, freely.
In this time of thanks, when we contemplate all that is good in our lives, Craigslist, I wish to recognize that the world is better for having you in it.