Originally Posted: 2009-06-17 12:28pm
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favorite this post Why he never called you (a long-winded response) - m4w hide this posting unhide

Last week or the week before a girl posted a an open question to MCs about why guys (or one guy in particular) spent time talking to her, got her digits, and then never called her. I was going to reply last week, but when I thought about what to write it sounded mean and directed at the OP, and I wanted to reply to the MC community at large – not this poor girl. Then three things happened in the past week and a half that clarified it for me enough to maybe give her an answer. Here’s my story, OP, and draw your own conclusions…

In the past two weekends I’ve met three hot girls – two strong 8s, one probably a 9. Two I met at Wells St Artfest on Sat & Sun night, one I met at a bar. In all three cases, I introduced myself (or was introduced by mutual friends), flirted, and every so often jokingly offered the girls an “opt out” in case they weren’t down with it. The girl at Boundary and the one girl at Wells St. I talked to for at least two hours – basically the whole night. The other girl at Wells St. I spoke with for about an hour until our respective groups of friends went separate ways. In all three cases, when it was time to go, I asked each girl for her number. In all three cases – all three! – the girls asked me “I dunno, are you really gonna call me?” before she gave it to me. My intentions were sincere, and frankly any one of these three girls was probably datable and not just a casual hookup, so of course I said yes, and in all three cases I gave them a call a day or two later.

(Just to set the backstory for you ladies reading this, I’m a fairly good-looking guy – former D-1 athlete – not the stereotypical physically sloppy basement dweller that you probably think represents all Craigslist guys. So although these three girls probably get a ton of guy attention when they go out, I wouldn’t say any of the three were out of my league.)

In no case, NONE, has the girl returned my call or even given me the courtesy text back saying, “Hey, sorry, I’m just not into it. No thanks.”

So how does this relate to you, “Why Didn’t He Call” OP? Here’s how…

The only advantage guys have when we go to bars (or wherever) when it comes to meeting girls is time management. Everything else is difficult.

We have to fight through an unfavorable ratio of other guys.
We have to have the balls to approach you.
We have to have something interesting to say and keep your attention long enough to prove our worth, or we have to be really funny.
We have to be physically attractive (yeah girls say this isn’t always true, but it is if you’re meeting a complete stranger).
We probably have to buy drinks at some point.
We have to ask for your number.

Sadly, a lot of girls like this attention at bars, so they’ll conveniently “forget” they have a bf, or they’ve already decided they won’t hook up with the guy for physical or other reasons, but they don’t mind him buying drinks, and before you know it a guy has spent a whole night chatting up some girl who is never going to give it up or even let him take her on a date – or, in my case, never even bother to return his call. So we’ve wasted a night and wasted our time. And the worst part of this (especially for you, OP) is that we will NEVER know why. There’s no post-flirt survey we guys can administer by e-mail the next day to find out exactly what we did wrong. (One of you nerdy CL programmers should get on that…) We’re left to guess and wonder and…

…improve our game. And this is where things fall apart for the ladies like our OP.

I don’t know why none of the three girls above never returned my calls. I can only assume I wasn’t funny enough or smart enough, so I’ve got to find a way to take batting practice and get my game back up to par. This means that while I usually only hit on 8s or 9s, I will have to dip down and hit on 6s and 7s for a few weekends to figure out some better rap and some wittier banter. And at some point I will probably ask these 6s and 7s for their phone number just to prove to myself I had a shot to close the deal. But I’m never going to call them because they were never on my dating/sexual radar. (In fact, calling them and hooking up with them just to see if I could do it would make me a bigger asshole than I already am, and I am certainly a shallow, superficial ass already…)

Am I proud of this behavior? No. I’d rather one of the three girls I invested my time on actually took me up on my offer and we started dating and ended up riding off into the sunset together… but that didn’t happen, which means it’s back to the batting cage.

So “Why Didn’t He Call” OP, you probably shouldn’t dwell on it or take it personally. The guy was using you as batting practice and is probably a douche bag like me anyways, and in the long run you are much better off.

Maybe if women were upfront and honest at bars before guys invested their time, guys would focus on talking to only the girls the see potential with and a lot of this could be avoided. It's just proper bar ettiquette people...

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