You: Hot vet who knows what she's doing. Specialized in feline medicine, preferably ophthalmology and/or head-related neurological shit. Unlimited access to various medical machinery and doodad thingies to use on a cat to find out what, specifically, the fuck is wrong with it. Ability to, if said shit that's wrong with it isn't terminal, fix said shit in a timely and professional manner. Unlimited access to medication for a cat. Ability to give all of this care to my cat for cheap, if not free. Serious hotness a plus, great rack preferred but not required.
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Me: Owner of a blind cat that has some sort of fucking thing wrong with him and nobody just seems to be able to up and tell me what it is. They are very eager to run all manner of expensive tests on him, but I am pretty much out of disposable income to funnel into the money pit that he has become. The vets have all been very nice and none of this is really their fault, and they have given me some follow-up visits for free, but they just do not know what is going on with him. They have missed some critical issues that might have prevented some of the bad things from happening, but without knowing exactly what is causing this I guess I can't say for sure that any of this could have been prevented. I am a Virgo. As of a month ago I was a proud owner of a normal healthy cat, but as of today I am the proud owner of a lethargic, nervous, blind cat. I have driven him up to Charlotte to see a specialist, but I will get into that in the "Cat" section. More about me - I am a fire eater, I have a good sense of humor, and I like bad Sci Fi Channel movies. I can also cook very well. I would be willing to cook for you if you could help my fucking cat because I am serious when I say that this shit is just way out of control at this point.
Cat: A tabby that I picked up as a stray, he's probably around four years old as best they can tell. He is sweet, loving, and never mean. A month ago he was seeing all sorts of things and running around my apartment chasing sunbeams, but those days have apparently slammed to a sudden and horrific halt. He got an eye infection that led to terrible, terrible things. (The vet did not catch that his lower eyelid was turned under a bit and he could not blink - possibly if they had then none of this would have happened.) The eye infection turned into his cornea rupturing while I was feeding him treats. Being probably borderline retarded, he kept eating while his eye leaked out all over the place. So off to Charlotte we went to have his eye removed! The specialist said all was great and he was healthy and the world was beautiful. Except on Saturday he went blind in his other fucking eye, which seems to me to contradict the whole "he is very healthy and his remaining eye is just in tip top shape" shit the specialist told me. He likes treats, being petted, and sitting in sunlight. Although right now he likes being curled up in a corner being pathetic, I guess because he can't see, but maybe he's slowly dying. If someone could tell me that would be totally fucking awesome. So far no one's really told me much except "well his tests seem to be fine! We can run more!"
I got a call this morning that even though they have run four separate tests that showed there's no pressure in his eye, they think there is pressure in his eye and they want me to - get ready for this - buy some expensive eye drops to relieve this imaginary pressure that is almost certainly not there. Of course they do, why wouldn't they? I don't know how much they cost yet but you know I will probably just buy them because I am dumb as shit when it comes to this cat. Unfortunately I am really out of money to spend on him at this point. These eye drops and his appointment with the specialist on Thursday will be the last things I can do for him other than comfort him and hope he doesn't die.
Here's where you come in. You can help my cat for little to no money and I can be thankful while staring at your magnificent legs, your beautiful breasts, your gorgeous, smiling face. That will make ME feel better after all the crazy shit I've been through this month. You'll feel good because you'll be helping a cat that quite honestly is one of the sweetest animals anyone has ever met. That'll make EVERYONE involved happy. Plus I'll cook for you if you want, and that will make you happy, too. We all win. This is platonic only, as I am not expecting you to hop in the sack with me, but if you decide you want to then let me just say up front that I am not going to argue with you.
Don't worry, the cat is physically incapable of watching. I just wish I knew why.
UPDATE - Unfortunately I had to have him put to sleep. After his last surgery to clear his eye socket up an infection set in and never really let up. He had a whole lot of very sudden problems that he didn't have six months ago - the blindness was only part of it. He was also losing teeth despite having perfect teeth a year ago. The infection didn't clear up, and he stopped eating, then got what one vet said was "just a cold." That didn't clear up either, and he stopped drinking too. I fed him and watered him via syringe for a few days, then he started vomiting everything up. The next day he started bleeding out through his nose and mouth and it wouldn't stop, so I had to have him put down.
Thank you for all the kind words I received, the concern, and the ACTUAL VET who responded and was very nice and helpful despite not being in this town. Craigslist is an interesting place full of great people who make up for the fact that it also has people who want to dress up as Benjamin Franklin and have you shove balsa wood airplanes up their assholes while they blow farm animals.
Goodbye, Bruiser. I'm going to miss you.
- Location: Columbia, SC
- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests