Looking for a man between the ages of 38 and 42. Preferably over 6'1 tall, no less than 180lbs, no more than 192lbs. Must have blue eyes and blonde hair, light brown hair will be considered but it better be fucking LIGHT BROWN, not dark brown from your Sicilian mom and Greek dad. Preferably a high and tight, ex military welcome.
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Must be able to climb to second floor terrance without a tree or gutter for assistance. Must drive to my home, I will not travel to your home. You must have a quiet running car, no clunkers that the neighbors will call the police about.
You must be circumsized. You must bring your own rope or handcuffs, no flexi-strips for tying me up, they hurt too much. You must not be allergic to cats or rabbits, I don't want to listen to you sneeze the whole time. You must be able to listen to Nine Inch Nails during the act, no requesting Elton fucking John or some shit. If you can't get it up for "Hurt" don't bother.
You must be strong, I don't want to be able to get away, waste of my time.
OK here are the most important rules:
You must not, under any circumstances stop fucking me, not even for a minute. If I yell, "Stop, please don't hurt me, please, Ill do anything." You must remember that that means go really fast.
"Please be gentle." Means call me bitch.
"You are hurting me." means....... what? OK if you forgot that that means go really fast just stop reading now.
You must not remove any food from my home. Last time I set this up the guy took my last Coors Light and a whole box of Yankee Doodles...please, those are my favorite.
Please don't ask me if you can come back for a second "date". The answer is no, and no really means no this time.
Please don't talk to me about any of the following: Weather, Art, Music, Current Events, W, Mitt Romney, Ted Kennedy or any of the hybrid cars, I don't care.
No watching television while fucking me.
Specifics: I will be exiting my shower at 9:45 thursday night, Id like you waiting in the closet already wearing a condom. Also, please bring a light blue or similarly colored towel to fuck me on, I have white carpetting and I would like to keep it that way. Please do not touch my hair, I don't like anyone to tug my ponytail or mess up my hair, its my thing.
Please wear Stetson Cologne, no expensive shit, I won't be able to get off with CK 1 for men.
Please be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. I want a man who can multi-task and maybe fist me while cumming in my mouth. You must bring a sharp object to hold against my throat but do not leave any marks!
PLEASE brush your teeth before seeing me, and use ACT 1 mouthwash.
NO tatoos, please.
NO facial hair.
NO longer than 20 minutes please, I have someone else lined up for 10:30 and I need to take another shower.
Anything else is negotiable except my ass.
Please respond by 3pm this afternoon.
this is in or around MY BEDROOM