Anyone wanna swap? Hostile Angry Neighbors for Crack House Neighbors
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Missed Connection with My Former Crack House Neighbors.
I know that I should not miss them, but I do. Sure they brought a criminal element to the neighborhood, but then again, back then there weren’t many other neighbors. Plus, when they lived next door there was a constant police presence. And they always shoveled off the snow from my side of the house, hoping that I would ignore the late night banging on my door when their drug-addled clients got confused. They were relatively quiet, with the occasional ruckus. Usually the fracas was more interesting than anything on television and I would eavesdrop eagerly as they argued about who owed who what and whose “muthafuckin shit” was whose. Then there was the time I was talking to a police officer friend of my dad and when I told him where I lived, he said, “that’s next door to The Crack House!” And then once I was working with a woman who was a recovering drug addict and when she found out where I lived told me that she used to buy her drugs from them ten years ago. So not only did they pretty much leave me alone, but they shoveled the snow, and were conversation starters to boot.
Well, then one day the city auctioned off The Crack House for “taxes” and for the next year I had to put up with the most hemorrhagic renovation in the history of construction. At one point the builders even managed to drill all the way through my wall, more than once. But finally, FINALLY, it was completed.
I was hopeful, but to my dismay the new neighbors have been a terrible disappointment. Seriously, these new neighbors (Husband, Wife, and Son) are terrible. First off, the Father IS Ben Kingsley’s character in “The House of Sand and Fog”, he has a poor opinion of single women living on their own, and flies off the handle because evidently he doesn’t like the neighborhood, and once the Son is out of High School they are moving out, because he can’t stand “Those” people (I am not sure exactly who “Those” people are, but I presume I am one of “Them”). He is also certain that he owns out to the middle of the street and can therefore tell people not to park in front of his house. Not to mention the way he carefully shovels snow so that he doesn’t accidentally shovel one single flake from his neighbor’s side. The Wife is strange and quiet and usually pleasant – kind of, in a Nurse Ratchit kind of way. The Son plays endless videogames, has one friend and hates his parents it seems. Husband loses his temper a lot and I get to hear him scream at the Son to “get with the fucking program”, to which the Son replies with a shrill “Fuck you!” (Son voice is just changing). Occasionally Husband and Wife have a shouting match that usually involves who cleaned the house last. Although Wife is a bit of an instigator, what with screaming at him that he is a “fucking useless asshole” and all. I swear quite a blue streak myself, but usually as a reaction to something, not as a method of communicating with others. Even the Crack House Junkies swore less! I swear!
What really bothered me though is because they are all paranoid of bugs, Husband put down some kind of insecticide that ended up killing most of the vegetation as well. Including my dinky little rosebush that had up till then resisted all eradication attempts, and the spunky little evergreen tree that I found in the trash when I first moved in. All so now he can go out in the good weather and grill his salmon, which by the way smells horrible charred, without being inconvenienced by a fly.
Sigh……….
Anybody out there want to swap a set of Crack Junkie Neighbors for a trio of Hostile Angry Neighbors?