As a craigslist junkie, what better place to post my resolutions for the New Year? After all, if you read it on craigslist, it must be true!
1. I resolve to never lie about my age, weight, marital status, or penis size on craigslist, unless of course it could help me get some action.
2. I resolve to never criticize any poster’s spelling, grammar, or punctuation, unless its so bad that they’re mistakes are anything but discrete.
3. I resolve to never make fun of anybody on craigslist who doesn’t know what codes like NSA and CE and MC and 420 mean, unless of course I’m in a really bad mood, in which case all bets are off.
4. I resolve to be tolerant of my fellow posters’s views, especially those of a gay Irishman who drives an SUV in the city.
5. I resolve to flag only those posts that are spam, miscategorized, discussion, or prohibited, or that simply piss me off.
6. I resolve to learn how to love to laugh and to be taller, darker, and handsomer.
7. Finally, I resolve to stop reading craigslist, except for the late spring and summer months, and, ah, months with an “r” in their name.