I adjust myself when necessary
I’m stubborn
I’m ½ Italian… I have gas (The other ½ is Irish)
Being a man, I occasionally act stupid or say inappropriate things
I’m sarcastic
I don’t clean my tub or bathroom floors
If you’re dumb, I’ll make fun of you without you knowing it
I flirt with women
I have a hairy ass (but you knew that when I said I was ½ Italian…)
I’m impatient
I’m always horny
I don’t care what I look like or if I match when I go to the gym
I am very picky
If I think something is stupid, I have a hard time being sympathetic
I don’t wear underwear
I won’t listen to you bitch and complain
If you ask me a question, you will get the truth
I am brutally honest
Sounds like a guy you’re just dying to meet, don’t I? No? But wait, there’s more…
I’m over 6’ and in very good shape.
I’ll make you laugh
I don’t have any emotional or physical baggage (Luckily my brother got it all)
I don’t have a fear of intimacy or shopping
I’ve never had sex with a man… (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)
I have all my hair and teeth (no offense if you’re from Maine)
I’m successfully employed
I’m very intelligent and witty
I look great naked
I love to travel, fly and take weekend trips
I have a healthy relationship with both sides of my dysfunctional family
I like refined cultured events as well as going to dive bars
I look great in a tux
I look even better in jeans and a shirt
I’m crazy in a fun, non-Ted Kaczynski sort of way
I won’t hit on your friends, sisters or your mom, no matter how attractive they are
I’ve never been convicted of any crime… convicted…
I will eventually be able to touch my tongue to my nose (I’m doing stretching exercises)
I don’t have back hair
I can be very romantic if I am with the right person
I don’t sniff glue (haven’t since elementary school)
I dance
I love animals and the outdoors
I love my friends and the indoors
I’m confident
I’m loyal to a fault with people I care about
I know what I want and when I find it, I act upon it
Have I peaked your curiosity? If no, what was it… the gas? The hairy ass? Or the occasional public D/A? *(see glossary)
If Yes, please keep reading.
Are you attractive (to me that means thin to average build, tone, nice skin and teeth)?
Are you intelligent (if you had to ask yourself or a friend, let me help you out… the answer is NO)?
Are you lots of fun, a little crazy, love to laugh and are generally in a good mood?
Do you have a job? (I don’t care what type of job, just have one or a really good reason why you don’t. i.e. heiress to a throne, trust fund baby, etc.)
If you answered yes to the 4 questions above, then we should talk. If you answered no to the above questions, ask yourself, “Who do I know that would fit that description?” Then send me a pic *(see footnote 1-A) and tell me about yourself/your friend *(see footnote 2-G). Who knows, maybe we could pick our noses together. *(see disclaimer)
Footnote 1-A -- No pic, no response. Sorry, but I have come to find that people who don’t send pics fall into one of 2 categories. Either you’re cosmetically challenged or on the LAM… either way, I am not interested.
Footnote 2-G -- Don’t describe what you look like, that’s what the pic is for. Tell me about yourself. If you write one or 2 sentences, I will not respond. Go be non-committal somewhere else… go on... shoo…. shoo.
GLOSSARY
D/A – Dick Adjustment
DISCLAIMER – I don’t actually want to pick my nose with anyone else, that’s disgusting. No matter how good looking we are, it’s doesn’t paint a very attractive picture. I merely used that line to wrap up what I thought was a rather well written personal. Hopefully you thought so too. I look forward to hearing from you.