To the man who was running with his empty shopping cart down the petfood and paper towel aisle with an unmistakably poo-like smell trailing behind who nearly ran down my friend: My roommate and I theorized that you had an accident involving the loss of control over your bowels and had to cut short your grocery shopping trip to run home and shower/throw out your underwear. I understand that it was most likely a highly traumatizing experience for you, but please let us know that we were if fact correct in our assumptions which are based on the following:
No one with foul gas would run with an empty shopping cart through a crowded grocery store. It would make more sense to let it out in a less populated area--or in the prepared food section where the smell of food could camoflage the smell somewhat--and move on with your shopping. My roommate believes that by gripping the shopping cart you were gripping onto reality as if to say, "I did not just dump in my pants. I did not just dump in my pants... etc."
Though I did not get a good look at you, my roommate said you were kind of cute. Let this be some kind of consolation to you.